My M.O.M. Logic

The Mystery Of Mom (and two birds)

There’s Mom logic? Are you kidding? I think most Moms operate on prayer, faith and good luck. But this question begs another question; where did anyone get the idea that there was some sort of logical process to being a mother? As I thought of this question, I realized as a Mom I have certain abilities that elude my husband. Aside from the awesome power of incubating life, giving birth after hours of pushing and still having the strength to hold the baby and do a cool imitation of Bessie the cow, women in general multitask on the order of a super computer. We are mothers, doctors, chefs, chauffeurs, managers, CFOs, CEOs, maids, therapists and if you are in a relationship you need to be a best friend and sex kitten. So how do we do it?

My Mom logic is simple.  I call it the Mystery of Mommy or M.O.M..  There are certain rules you must understand to be able to create and maintain your Mystery of Mommy.  Here are the most important ones.

Rule number one: Kids aren’t as smart as you.

          Yes I know that your daughter plays the cello at the age of three and your son is challenging Stephen Hawking’s theories on Grand Unification but where it counts, kids aren’t as smart as you.

          When we were children, if Mommy wanted answers and we were less than forthcoming, she could guess what was going on with a certainty that baffled us. Mommy was never wrong. Unable to resist herself, one day my sister bit me on the forehead. Mommy walked in to see why I was crying. My sister, like any other 6 year old, said she didn’t know why. Mommy looked at me and told her ‘A little birdie told me you bit Lee on the forehead!’ For years my sister could not understand how our Mother divined this information. Of course as an adult, it doesn’t take a CSI investigation team to tell you what made the perfect bite impression on a baby’s forehead and my sister was not savvy enough to offer the possibility of infant stigmata.  

Rule number two: Do not correct your child’s beliefs about you.

          Currently, my 16 year old daughter thinks I am a witch. Our 5 year old thinks that I am magical and can create almost anything. And my 2 year old is convinced only my kiss will heal all boo boos. This is the evolutionary track of the Mystery of Mommy. My daughter can’t quite figure out how it is that I can tell her what is going on in her life or what her friends tell her. I can only assume that she thinks I was born full grown and didn’t go through my own angst ridden adolescence. This is where my husband just defers to my lie detecting abilities since I was blessed with an incredible bullshit meter (standard issue for Mystery of Mommy). My kids are screwed.    

Rule number three: Know your role.

          Being a mother was so important to me. After years of infertility, having our daughter was a miracle and it made me the woman I am today. Subsequently, being able to give birth to my sons years later just solidified my belief that I was meant to be a Mommy. After going through all that, do you really think I would give it up to be my children’s friend? Hell no! The role of mother and the mystery you weave around it perpetuates the mythos and pathos of motherhood and parenting in general. These little midgets are my responsibility and I do my job as Mommy to create good people for the world. I am not breeding children so I can have friends. I would like to believe that I can make friends the old fashioned way; alcohol, secrets and blackmail (a topic for another blog). Friend Mom won’t put on her cape and go kick some ass for her kids. That’s what the Mystery Mommy does while cooking dinner, folding laundry and writing blog posts.

          So I am fine with my children believing my kisses have anti-bacterial qualities. I encourage them to believe that they are already in trouble before they do something bad. I’m building a mystery like a secret identity. I want my kids to believe that I can care for and protect them. Empirically it seems that I’m doing well. People tell me my kids are well behaved, polite and fun to be around. Most days, I don’t want to kill them so I put that in the plus column. None of them have been arrested or suspended from school but, alas, the boys are still young. I wonder if I can bake a cake with a file in it…   

First I would like to thank Momlogic for providing a platform for mothers and this wonderful opportunity.  Thanks to all who nominated me as Mother of all Bloggers on Momlogic.  Thanks to the ladies who are judging instead of running after their own wild monkeys. And a special thanks to my partners in crime, Paul, Jeannie, Bobby and Ricky, for the material.     

 

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