A mistress is a nice way of saying a woman who has sex with a married man. The term Mistress harkens back to the days of the swank New York apartment and your man showing up with enough time to have a drink and a bonk before rushing out to get home to his family. These women would spend their days shopping or getting their hair done, just waiting for when their temporary man came to visit. She was on hold. She was not allowed to date or the swanky apartment would disappear.
The word Mistress is defined as one with control and authority over servants. However, in current use, the term refers to a woman who is the lover of a married man. She has no control; no authority. So why do it? Why subject yourself to this lifestyle that is based on an idea that you are not worthy of a love all your own?
The feelings of being unworthy are not new to females and not the sole domain of mistresses. Many women feel that way. Somewhere in your past you were told that you were not enough and you started believing it. The reality is that this was a false claim and some men exploit it and not just with their mistresses. While we heard we were not enough, some men heard that they would never be satisfied with just one or their wives could not care for all their sexual proclivities. This message translated to a thriving sex trade, mistresses and VD in the marriage bed.
These women who engage in being mistresses operate with certain denials to maintain their façade:
- If the wife did her job, he wouldn’t need me.
This is no longer the case. Perhaps a few decades ago women had hard and fast rules of copulation like lights out, no oral, no anal. Today, those women are in the minority. The sexual revolution did more for women because we did not have to pretend to be offended by a penis anymore. We know that women desire sex as much as and even more than men. This belief that women aren’t doing their jobs may be true in some cases but not in all.
- Man is not built to be monogamous.
This is a statement men throw around to assuage their own feelings of failure and guilt because they have broken a commitment. Everything is a choice. If you don’t want to be monogamous, say it. Don’t cheat. Women who believe this are reinforcing this belief and should never expect their men to be faithful to them.
- He will leave her.
No he won’t. And, if he does, and if by some miracle he marries you, he will cheat on you.
- All the good ones are taken or gay.
Not true. Just stop looking at ones that already show they can commit.
- Maybe this is all I deserve?
Not true. Everyone deserves love. Everyone deserves a happy ever after. Make that happen for yourself by believing you deserve better. While you are with him, you are missing out on so many good ones.