Marriage is not hard work

THE Relationship Blog


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Marriage is not that hard. Marriage, in fact, can be very easy. However, it seems that those with mediocre and failed marriages get most of the press and apparently their misinformation is more acceptable than the experiences of people with happy, healthy marriages. We continue to listen to so-called experts who claim to fame is failed relationships, mistakes, infidelity and a book deal. This is so discomforting when you see real couples seeking real help. Would you go to a mechanic who’s car does not run? Would you go to lawyer who has never won a case? Of course not but that is what we do when we seek out expert opinion in the subject of relationships. Here are some of the most insidious things some experts mention as keys to happy relationships.

One ‘expert’ in Women’s Day magazine shared that she had a cyber husband. She just married her husband a year ago and now she will also have a cyber husband in a cyber world. She describes him as a best friend and fantasy man. She explains how she can share things with her cyber husband but she only wants her real husband in her ‘real’ life. This is being touted as a means to make a marriage work.

This is probably the beginning of the end of their marriage. This woman is creating an alternative world other than her marriage life. Her husband is not enough. Her husband is not satisfying certain aspects of her life so she has created a new relationship which can satisfy those needs. The reality is that you cannot jigsaw a bunch of relationships to make one good one. It’s like going to different restaurants to make one meal. Sure, it was nice one night but you can’t do this all the time. Your investment into your marriage is impaired. You are sharing yourself with two individuals and believing that you can give 100% to each of them. You can’t. You may be satisfied but you are being half-assed with the men you love.

Marriage is a 100% commitment. Marriage requires 100% of your heart and if you cannot share intimacy with your husband and feel the need to create an emotional surrogate your marriage is flawed. You are either not giving your man the opportunity to step up to the emotional plate or you are just not caring. Either way, this is a problem. I think this is really sad. I think this is the beginning of the end of a new marriage. The woman can think she has created the best system but I doubt that these people are as evolved as she would like to believe.

This example was a woman ‘going against the grain’, according to Woman’s Day, to make her ‘happily ever after’. This is the tripe, in my humble opinion, of what women read to make a better marriage. I think that this is a disservice on the highest order. Someone seeking help is met with ‘get a cyber husband’ or ‘have separate homes’. You deserve better than that crap.

 

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