Live blog of the Oscars

Hello.

Welcome to our live blogging of the Oscars.

We are watching E right now so follow along.

We are live at 7pm

Florence Welch from Florence and the Machine looks like a guy in drag. Unfortuneately for her, a guy in drag would have done a better job with hair and makeup.

Kevin Spacey- why do we always feel he is acting? We do love the dude. Had no idea he EPd Social Network. But did you know he was a ballerina in Black Swan?

To bad that Scarlett forgot to brush her hair before the show. Lee understands that if she broke up with Ryan Reynolds she wouldn’t be able to brush her teeth let alone her hair.

Jennifer Lawrence looks so pretty without the squirrel guts.

Paul says: Helen Mirren is a OLIF (Old Lady I’d Fuck)

Mila Kunis’ boobies are kinda hanging out. We have even odds for nipple slippage.

Mari says: Nicole Kidman’s designer must have been channelling my cruise steward’s towel folding skills.

Didn’t Barbara Bane use the same dress as Gwyneth Paltrow in Space 1999?

Ok, people. Let’s do this thing. Time for the Oscars.

We call him Marky Mark, too.

OK, we are more impressed with the stage then Franco/Hathaway.

Without further ado, we get to the awards.

Art Direction : Alice in Wonderland – It was stunning.

Cinematography:  Inception.

So far we are at the big goose egg but the important ones are coming up.

Best Supporting Actress (Bath Soopoorting Actrweth) : Melissa Leo. Cool. We got it right. She was so good that she pissed us off. Kurt Douglas grabbed her tit!!!

Best Animated Short: The Lost Thing. Ok, whatever. The Tan guy does animated shorts because he is to small to do real movies.

Best Animated Feature: Toy Story 3. That’s a big duh. Three movies and one is nominated for best movie.

Popped the second bottle of champagne.

Best Adapted Screenplay: Aaron Sorkin. You can tell he is a high pressure writer. He looks like he could go postal at any minute. Lee called it.

Best Original Screenpaly: King’s Speech. Lee keeps poking me in the side and saying ‘got it’.

Give us more Charlie Sheen jokes.

Best Foreign Language Film: In a Better World. And we continue to say ‘Meh’.

Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale. We got it! The guy must have been doing crack to prepare for the role. (When we are famous, Paul doesn’t need to meet him. Meh)

Best Original Score: The Star Wars Theme. Sorry, I drifted. The winner is Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, Social Network.

Matthew forgot to shower today.

Sound Mixing: Lora Hirschberg, Inception. Like we care!!!

Sound Editing: Inception. I swear, only their mom cares.

Best Makeup: Rick Baker. He did Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. Dumb shit you remember.

Best Costume: Alice in Wonderland. Of course.

There is not enough champagne to make Randy Newman sound good.

Best Shorts: Paul doesn’t wear any shorts but the winner is Strangers No More.

Best Live Action Short Film: God Of Love. We are all for Love.

Outstanding Documentary: Inside Job. Good for them. We have had enough to drink to be happy for everyone.

Best Outstanding Thingy: Inception. Fuck-um. We wanted Harry Potter to win the Thingy.

Film Editing: We said Black Swan and we were wrong. Fuck Social Network.

Best Original Song: Randy (I don’t get it) Newman.

And now the catagory for best dead person:

Best Director: The King’s Speech.Tom hooper.  Nice. Happy.

Best Actress: Natalie Portman. Oh yeah, bird girl. Way to go fowl chick.

Best Actor: Colin Firth. We called it. You called it. We all knew it.

This is it folks.

Best Picture: The King’s Speech. Now you know why we saw all of the movies. We make a lot more sense this way. Great movie.

We are drunk and out of here. Love you. Mean it.

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