Lee and Paul say: Live your life for us.
Tuesday, the day dedicated to the offspring, rugrats, ankle biters, apes and piojo pegados (attached parasites/louse- Spanish is such a lovely language!). This week we are discussing the ‘Don’ts’ in relationships and there are so many of them when it comes to kids. We know that many of the things we grew up with can hurt the little buggers. Things like don’t give kids honey and don’t dangle them from their feet and don’t shake babies and don’t feed kids Cheetos and lard. So many rules! How can we keep them all straight? Today, though, we are going to address a very important rule that is pertinent to all your relationships but particularly poignant when it comes to our children.
Lee says: I love my kids. As a younger woman I wanted kids and had no concept of the feelings that would emerge from me when I was finally blessed with them. I felt a deep love, nurturing, protectiveness and pride that could only be described as intermittent maternal hubris. Ultimately I was sucked in and completely enamored with my new role and position. I became immersed in the daily routine, happily and rarely balked at sleepless nights and the odor that went from unpleasant to inhuman.
I found myself in the early years disregarding my needs and focusing solely on Jeannie. I found myself losing sight of my own goals and drowning in a series of doctors’ appointments, school pickups, and scheduling of everything from meals to baths to play to sleep. Which brings me to rule number two in the ‘Don’ts of Relationships’:
Don’t live your life for someone else.
As parents, we get lost in this but let’s face it, we do this with our partners and parents and jobs; becoming so absorbed in the life of someone else that you disregard your own needs, dreams, happiness and health. We take on the accomplishment of our new lives as if they are ours and we make their lives our sole priority. We find our days filled with practices and tutors and school projects and planning other activities for our precious Porches that we forget that we used to have things to do as well. The best part is that if you don’t give your life over to the needs of the child, you are a shitty mother. If you do give your life to your kids, then you’re a shitty mother. Judged by stay at home moms on one side and working moms on the other.
Now this is a debate that has been around for the last 40 years and it doesn’t seem to be getting resolved. The only thing that changes is the arrogance. In the 80s, working moms looked at stay at home moms as women who were setting our cause back. Working and asserting ourselves in the male world was the drive of every woman and if you didn’t, you were a sell out. Within the last 20 years, women have tried to create a balance in their life and tried to have it all. Today, working moms are considered poor caretakers because they are allowing others to raise their kids. The best part is everyone spouts statistics that are pulled out of the air (or asses) to support their positions. The only real statistics on this is that healthy parents (emotionally and physically) have healthy kids.
However, regardless of the situation, your kids will ultimately resent the shit out of you if you live your life for them. If you are a working mom who overcompensates for your absence by losing yourself in your kids or you are a stay at home mom who has put your dreams on hold to raise what you think will be a superior race, those kids will never fully appreciate the sacrifice and when they are off living their life, you are left with a shell of an existence waiting for the phone to ring. Jeez that’s depressing!
So live your lives, Mom and Dad. Live your dreams. Be the example of an individual that you would like your child to emulate. Be bold. Be brave. Be ballsy. Be creative. Be independent. And, most of all, be yourself.
Paul says: Spider young eat their mother. So, unless you are serving up a big chunk of parent ass for dinner, stop saying that you live for your kids. If you are serving parent ass then we need to talk about nutrition. Everyone knows it is tastes like chicken but is very high in fat.