It’s not sex. It’s a merger.

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If you are looking for romance, this is not the article to read. This is the practical ‘if you want a relationship then stop doing dumb shit’ type of commentary. This is also one of our little secrets that have kept us married for twenty years. Ready? Here it is. Marriage is like a corporation. I told you. No rose petals on this one. Corporations are structured for one purpose and one purpose only. That is to advance the corporation. The shareholders of the corporation – these are the stockholders, the employees and anyone else that gains benefit from the business – only succeed if the corporation succeeds. The perfect company has rich stockholders, happy and well paid employees, and everyone is working with the singular goal of expanding this little utopia ad infinitum. Kind of like the Borg.

 When you hear people say that marriage is compromise, they are wrong. That comes from the view of partnership. Partnership is a different business structure. In a partnership, there are two people that each wants the best for himself or herself. Marriage is not a partnership. Marriage is a corporation and corporations do not compromise.

 Lee and I have had a handful of fights in our marriage and most were in the settling-in portion of the first two years. The reason why is that the corporate entity of our relationship is the most important thing. Please understand, Lee and I are intensely competitive. Lee has been known to step on our prone and sprawled five year old in order to catch the Nerf ball. As for me, cheating is always a viable strategy. Usually, it is the preferred one. If we would have turned these bloodthirsty egos against each other, we would have self-destructed long ago.

But instead, we lined ourselves up behind the machine that is our marriage and…let’s just say ‘resistance is futile’.

Lee says: First I apologize for all the Star Trek references. You were warned in the About Us section that Paul had an issue. That being said, this is one of our special nuggets of brilliance. The idea that we don’t compromise baffles people. But honestly, what is compromising? It generally means neither partner gets what they want. Sure I have done some stuff that I initially wondered why would I subject myself to this (i.e. “Dungeons and Dragons”, not the game, the movie), but generally I have enjoyed being with my husband as he nourishes his geekiness.

Even when we first decided to date it was more like a board meeting than an intimate moment. We sat across from each other in my parent’s living room with almost 10 feet between us. We each discussed our boundaries (the most important thing any couple can do), what we liked and didn’t like, and came to the understanding of what we wanted from the relationship. Sure, there were some concessions such as stupid stuff like:

Paul saying: “I don’t like being touched a lot. I’m not very touchy feely.”

Lee saying: “Well tough cause I’m very touchy feely. Get use to it.”

Someone always has to be willing to take the upper hand to make the corporation grow. I think that was the last time I ever mentioned that and now his hands are permanently attached to my breast.

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