We recently wrote about being a mistress and there were some interesting comments. Some put the blame solely on the man. The reasoning was that the men were the ones with the commitment thus they were the ones breaking their word. Others could not see how a mistress could be at fault for infidelity while others just wanted to bash cheaters and those who support that behavior. All CoupleDumb can say to all of those who commented is, ‘Did you actually read the posts?’ We did not condone infidelity nor did we promote being a mistress. Instead what we said was that being a mistress is a shitty job and you deserve better. This week we will discuss the men who cheat- the whys, the whats and the hows.
Infidelity is not a new concept. It is only within the last few decades that infidelity is even considered an issue. Prior to this time, cheating on your wife was as common as drinking your coffee in the morning. It was expected that a man would need to seek sexual fulfillment outside of the home. One woman was not enough to quench his sexual thirst and a wife was not to be treated like a whore and made to do sexual acts that were beneath a lady.
My mother would tell me and my sister that she was a virgin. I know, you are wondering if we believed her and whether she dropped us on our heads several times. Yes to both! We had no concept of sex in our home as far as a woman was concerned. My father was your typical Latino man with all the bravado and entitlement that engenders. We were taught that men were different than women. Women did not need sex and men needed it all the time. That was the understanding and mentality of our household.
Lucky for my sister and me, studying Psychology and having the wherewithal to read books that explained sex in a less shaming manner helped us. However, that idea that men were entitled to extramarital dalliances was not culled from our consciousness with a simple book. It was the source of many an argument in our home and also the excuse for victim behavior from both parents. Ultimately, after much needed therapy, the concept of infidelity boiled down to an extremely dysfunctional act that required both spouses to participate in; the person who was willing to disregard their commitment and act solely on carnal instincts and the other to ignore the obvious or deny the problem.
There is no excuse for infidelity from either men or women. That is not to say that there are circumstances that warrant straying from a marriage but in this case, the infidelity is a symptom of a bigger issue rather than the disease itself.
This week we will discuss the ins and outs of infidelity –specifically how it pertains to men. Don’t worry guys, next week we will tackle women who are unfaithful because that is a horse of a different color.