If I Could Turn Back Time
Friday the 18th is a day that will be celebrated for a dozen decades to come. Aside from being the last school day of the year, it is also our son Bobby’s birthday! Bobby is six years old today. For a parent, the birthday of your child is bittersweet. You are so happy to celebrate the day of their birth and the gift they are in your life and yet you feel the twinge of sadness that your baby is one year older. Our Bobby is a big boy so it is already difficult to carry him or have him lay in your arms like when he was a baby. But before we get too maudlin discussing this we need to point out that tomorrow, the 19th, is Lee’s birthday! And since Bobby can’t really put together a whole post yet, Lee will write a post discussing her feelings about another birthday.
Lee says: What the fuck? You make it sound like I have had so many! I realize that, unlike Bobby, I have lost that new baby glow, but I’m not a grandmother. Wait a second. I do have a friend or two my age who are entering into that stage of their lives. I am 44 years old tomprrow; a very nice redundant number. A special number for me since Ricky was born. His birth was all about the number 4. My water broke at 4:18am and he was born at 4:44pm. Bringing him home made my life and home complete; me and my four favorite people on the earth.
I have wondered what I would do if I could turn back time (cue Cher music here). Unlike many people I know, I have few if any regrets. I am one of those sick people who have embraced the crap from my life and really accept that all these things made me who I am. However, if I were to get a time machine for my birthday, I do have a few things I would like to do in my past.
1. I would go back to a school dance from a different school. I would look for a gangly, awkward boy who is about to ask another girl to dance and ask him first. I remember this story from Paul’s long list of stupid girl stories. The girl screamed when he asked her to dance. Me, I was the chubby girl who would have danced with him. Honestly, I would have danced with anybody but the mere act of asking me to dance would have made all that gangliness and awkwardness disappear. He would have been my Gene Kelly and I would have been his Debbie Reynolds (you know that scene in ‘Singing in the rain’). Did I mention I would be 12 years old?
2. I would move forward in time to find a tall guy with a star trek shirt and an afro. I would find him, kiss him and probably fuck him. What? This is my birthday fantasy people, not yours. I have heard all of Paul’s adolescent and teen stories of being an outcast and horny as hell. I would be there, chubby, again, but cute as a button. I would be around 17 and probably give him palpitations and a case of the giggles that would be hard for him to stop while I vamped him. He would stop eventually.
3. I would go back to Big Bear in August of 1987. I would find me, Paul, Steve and Paul’s girlfriend at the time (She who must not be named). I would tell me to take a hike or put me in a stasis of some sort and I would relive my first conversations with Paul. Would I jump him? Probably, but what I really want to do is relive the first spark of this long love affair that I still revel in today.
4. I would jump forward a few months to our first all night conversation where I know I fell in love with him. I would talk to him about selling the moon, religion and everything under the sun. I would probably kiss him because I couldn’t resist. I would probably tell him how incredible he was and is and how I knew that very night that he was the man for me.
I guess you can see that in my life I have come to realize the incredible gift Paul is. He has tamed the shrew and allowed me to be soft and tender without fearing showing my soft underbelly. I am thankful for the last 22 birthdays since I spent them with him. I have spent half of my life with him now which makes this birthday even better. If I could turn back time, I would spend those extra moments with him. Perhaps, this is my sappy birthday.
Paul says: I love your sappy birthday and I love you.