Hope for old love
Simple question: If love consists of lust, romance and attachment, how do you stay in love?
Paul says: Every day, I sweep Lee off her feet, shower her with roses and diamonds then we make hours of sweet love. Yes, that is our secret. We have quit our jobs and put the children on the curb so that we can spend the day whispering sweet nothings and fucking on a bed of rose pedals. And if you believe that then there is some swamp land here in Miami that I want to sell to you.
As we get older, our modalities for maintaining love may change but the emotion simply grows stronger. My demonstrations of lust as a twenty something look very different then they do now. We eroticize our relationship in whatever way is possible. As I get older, I aspire to be a dirty old man. Lee’s boobies, no matter where they may be hanging, will always be a target of my affections.
Lee says: I find it weird when I see people who are married that hardly touch each other. Next time you are at a get together, watch the couples. The ones who tend to touch are the ones who are still very much in love. Why? The touching is the reconnection. This is where the effort in marriage takes place. Sure you can be lazy and just ignore each other by hanging out with your friends at a party but who are you going home with?
I think over the last 20 plus years we have been together, what has taken us through all the hard times has been a combination of all three. In order, I would say our attachment would be first. Not the unhealthy attachment we discussed a few weeks ago. I am talking about enjoying having each other around. Not taking each other for granted and genuinely being comfortable together.
The second would be the romance. I love this guy! I try every day to just look at him for a minute and fall in love with him all over again. Sure, there is always a moment in everyday when I look it him and think, ‘Geez, what a dork!’ but then I bring myself back to focus on the love. We take the time to talk, even if it’s right before we fall asleep. There is always a good kiss goodnight along with some holding. It’s a reminder of safety, belonging and desire. It’s a touchstone to reconnect with our huge foundation of love.
And last would be the lust. I know, it’s sad really. After so many years and three kids you just don’t have the stamina to do it every night. Instead, we have replaced it with groping and dirty talk. It takes less energy and the clean up is so much easier. It’s playful and it takes energy to keep it up. At the same time, we remind each other that we are wanted, desired, found sexy by someone we care about and it is a great ego boost. And the best part is the multi day foreplay!
I love my man even if he becomes a dirty old man. I will strive to remain his dirty old lady by keeping up my side of the smutty dialogue, going way into our retirement. I will continue to enjoy his company and look for endearing and wonderful things about him. And, of course, I will let him grab and grope me even when fondly my knees will have the added bonus of a boob right next to it.
Paul continues: I love you too, Pooky, and according to studies I’m going to continue. Research shows that couples that have maintained this level of love for a couple of decades have the same brain activity as people in love for only a few months. The only difference is that our brains fire in the area that controls calmness. Where the kids are more like love on crack, we are love in an opium den. I’m good with that.
Lee continues: Wow, I can’t wait for our kids to read this. Boob grabbing, lusting parents who are high on opium.