Have Good Sex


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          Sex. Sex. Sex. This is CoupleDumb and we are going to discuss sex in a way we may have overlooked in the past. We are talking about good sex. We are going to get technical and clinical and detailed. We are going to go blue because some people keep missing the point. You see, for all that we do in the various forms of media from the written word to the most explicit of visual images, we neglect to discuss what makes it good.

          Lee says: It is amazing that we spend so much time thinking about sex, having sex and talking about sex that we spend NO time whatsoever learning what makes sex good. It’s like everybody wants to build model airplanes and have never actually seen an airplane in their lives. Why do you think we have a fascination with porn? Why do you think we believe that having sex with many people is vital to create proficiency or as some sort of life lesson? Unconsciously we have established some bizarre in-vivo curriculum for sex. We do not matriculate in this visceral college and we are some of the enrollment officers who encourage our children, family and friends to attend as well. We say stupid shit like ‘play the field’ and ‘watch some porn’ when people confide that they feel less like a nympho contortionist.

          If you are lucky enough to actually study Human Sexuality in college (a real college, not a couch or some on-line virtual place where your avatar has pecs and an accent) you will see that biology is king. We are no better than animals when it comes to sex. From the lowest of bacteria to our cousins the primates, we all enjoy sex. The concept that sex is only used to procreate is absurd. Sex feels good. It was engineered that way. In higher animals, sex is a form of bonding and relating. Dolphins are seen frolicking, which is code for wet foreplay whereas gorillas use sex to settle arguments just like we do. No one takes Mr. Limpit and shows him porn or tells King Kong to sew his wild oats. The mechanics are natural. It’s just us humans who create hang-ups, rules and beliefs surrounding the act.

          There is one rule that every woman should follow when it comes to sex. Are you ready? Here it is:

          Try it! As women, we are indoctrinated from early on that ‘good girls don’t’. Good girls don’t have sex when they are young (which is a good thing because you avoid things like HPV, PID and cervical dysplasia). Good girls do not do certain things in bed. That is what bad girls do. The reality is that we do all those things and more. If you are in a committed relationship where you feel safe and you love your partner and this is not an activity that will physically harm you or cause irreparable psychological harm, then try it. Note: When I was first married, when the dinosaurs still roamed the earth, I had a bad kinky list and a good kinky list. A few years later, my bad kinky list was whittled down to four things; kids, bodily fluids, animals and other people. Aside from that, I would try anything. It’s like food. Don’t knock it until you try it. And don’t make the face.

          For men, there is one rule when it comes to sex.

          Practice does not always mean perfect. Bad technique, when done a million times, is still bad. Remember the clitoris. Remember to read cues. Remember that your partner’s pleasure is ultimately good for you. Porn is not real and the guy is really not a pizza delivery man and the girls are not college students studying for finals. They are actors. Even if they talk about sex in interviews, they are still acting. In fact, stop watching porn all together. It is messing you up more than you can imagine. You will never be like him and she will never be like her.

          All right! Now go have sex and enjoy!

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