Go With Your Gut
Hola CoupleDumb world! Starting tomorrow we will be writing, vlogging, tweeting and facebooking about our trip to New York to BLOGHER 2010! To make this trip even better, Chevy is loaning us a Tahoe Hybrid to drive from Miami to New York City! You have no idea how excited we are to be working with Chevy and their incredible Blogher team. This is a bloggy dream come true for us and we hope you enjoy our musings. Just a quick plug for the Tahoe Hybrid: Did you have any idea that the Tahoe Hybrid gets better gas mileage than the Toyota Camry or Honda Accord? This is a full size SUV we are talking about and you can have all the room and better mileage than those teeny cars? That isn’t right. Just saying.
So, for a last true taste of what we do best, let’s start you thinking about relationships. Specifically, what about dating? What are the protocols? What should I be avoiding? How the hell do I start?
Lee says: I have no idea about dating. I am a woman who chaperoned her older sister for 4 years and dated a friend for a while before my parents noticed it and that was after we had decided to get married. The funny part was when I told my Mom about Paul and I getting married, she tried to force my brother on me as a chaperone. I was polite and said ‘Estas loca, Vieja!’ which is translated as ‘you’re crazy, old lady’.
I am not a prude when it comes to dating. I say, enjoy and explore. However, the most important thing about dating and probably the reason why we do it is the following:
Follow your instincts. Go with your gut.
Dating is like an audition. No, wait…Dating is an audition. You are auditioning to be a girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse. You put your best foot forward and make sure your breath is nice. You dot the ‘I’s’ and cross the ‘t’s’ . You pull out her chair and ladies you laugh at their jokes. This is an audition.
Now, if your date behaves like a diva on a date (i.e. demanding chilled Pellegrino and water cress sandwiches with the crust cut off… or a blowjob) then you can imagine what further encounters will be like. If you find that you are uncomfortable with this person or you can’t let down your guard then you are having some sort of visceral, energetic reaction to them. In other words, he/she are giving you the heeby-jeebies and you should run!
Studies of domestic violence have shown that people in abusive relationships knew there was something wrong from the beginning. The same holds true for other unhealthy relationships. We often ignore that gut reaction. We often deny our better judgment and allow our God given bullshit detector to go unnoticed. Denial of this sense is really the beginning of denying yourself. People in unhealthy relationships often wonder where they lost themselves and it usually occurred the moment we told that little inner voice that said ‘wait a second there is something wrong with this person’ to shut the fuck up.
The converse is true also. If your gut says that someone is trustworthy, give them a chance. We are so used to the negative that any positive response to the BS meter makes us leery. I am not advocating running into traffic with your eyes closed but be willing to cross the street with eyes wide open. Come on, you know I’m right. What does your gut say?
Paul says: When I was a dating stud…in a past life…in an alternate dimension, I trusted my gut and defaulted to adventurous safety. In other words, I would ask myself, ‘what does my gut say and what is the worst that can happen?’ When you look at the worse, really assess this. If I ‘like’ the person and it does not work then:
I know all men are jerks
Confirms that women are bitches
It is a reflection on me
I’ve cut out one more asshole on my quest to someone to love