Fear And Parenting
Real Relationship Advice
I know this will come as a shock but sometimes babies are made accidentally or even show up as a surprise. Even if they are planned, some parents are terrified. That is completely normal. In fact, I worry if a person feels no fear when they are going to have a baby. The prospect of becoming a parent is daunting and to feign being calm or completely at peace with this is crazy. Heck, even when you have kids you go through terror at least once a year! What are some of the prospects of parenthood that should scare the crap out of you?
No, we are not saying to be terrified of childbirth. We are saying you should be prepared. It isn’t easy. And then again, for some, it is a breeze. Whatever the case, be prepared. Don’t go into it thinking it has to look a certain way. Many a woman gets hung up on the idea of natural vs. c-section vs. no drugs vs. no pain vs. no v-bac vs. water birth vs. silent birth vs. hospital vs. midwife…. Whatever fantasy you have in your head about giving birth, get rid of it. The baby will come when it wants in the way it wants even if you schedule a c-section. We have known too many women who get all hung up on these ideas and forget the purpose of birth is to have a healthy baby.
2. The baby is crying:
The first time your baby cries for no apparent reason you will remember this. You will get scared. Your brain will rifle through every disease and terrible bacteria before settling on colic or ear ache or even just the baby is hot or uncomfortable.
3. Waiting for results:
The hardest part of an amnio or CVS is not the discomfort or fear of losing the baby. It is the 2 weeks you have to wait to find out if your baby is O.K.. That fear is unprecedented. You have never felt this before since you have never been responsible for the life of another human being.
4. Will you be enough?
If a parent tells you they have never questioned this, they are liars. A parent will always wonder if they are doing a good job or are they up to the challenge. You would be surprised at what you can do.
5. First boyfriend/girlfriend/bully:
You would be amazed at how angry you can become when someone does anything to your cubs…I mean babies. The image of a grizzly is not a silly reference to Sarah Palin but a real inflamed reaction to a threat to your child. The first time it happens you will feel so much anger that you can see why someone can murder.
So, it’s O.K. to be afraid as long as it doesn’t transfer to your kids. That is the worse.