Don’t fuck with the mouse – Part 2
If you are gearing up to see the Jonas Brothers movie come out in 3D, stop reading now. We’re just going to upset you. If you own the Hannah Montana wig with concert microphone, walk away from your computer and go play your Best of Both Worlds where you can pretend to spend the day with your idol. If you are my little brother, I’m about to upset you and don’t bother calling Mom cause she’s on my side. This isn’t just a kid thing. Parents are obviously feeding this Disney beast and singing along to those insipid little songs.
We will start this week’s Celebrity Smackdown part Deux with a question: When did Disney figure that focusing on our daughters would make them the most money? Think about it people, if your son’s are really into any of the evening Disney shows, you might need to look into PFLAG groups in your area. All of these shows are targeting girls. Even the shows with guys as the main character are being built up to showcase these boys as prepubescent sex symbols or safe crushes that will never deflower your babies until their White Weddings.
The one that really pisses me off is Miley Cyrus. I recently read where a celebrity won’t allow her kids to watch her because she teaches kids to be sassy. I say right on to that Mommy! First of all, Miley Cyrus sounds like she’s been up all night smoking Camels and drinking Jack. Her teeth are still a mystery to me since she obviously has enough money to fix them. Also, how old is she supposed to be on the show? I know she is being raised by her father (don’t get me started on Billy Ray “The Pimp” Cyrus and that god awful hair), but most of the shows he is nowhere to be found. She’s sassy, flirtatious and constantly mugging for the camera which as an adult I only find funny when Lucille Ball does it. That bitch had talent and is an icon unlike this Miley chick.
And what are they teaching are young moldable little girls? All of these programs have something in common – absentee parents. All of these young teens can care for themselves and do things like adults like go out, go to restaurants and have a website with a cyber-cam. It is only a matter of time before Chris Hansen shows up on I Carly and catches another predator. They encourage girls to live double lives like Hannah or the Wizards of Waverly Place. The unhealthy behavior of keeping a secret and faking who you really are is something we figured out on our own in the old days. Now they have to spoon feed our kids to develop alter egos and frivolous personas to get through their painful lives in hopes of finding a moment of love. But I digress.
Now you have Miley “Where’s my Crack?” Cyrus dating a 20 year old. This is who you want your little girls to emulate? The Jonas Brothers wear chastity rings so why can’t Miley? I’ll tell you why, it doesn’t grow back no matter how much you pray or pretend.
Listen Disney, we have little kids and we do love sharing the Disney experience with our children. However, this tact you are taking is making it difficult for us to trust you with our offspring. We aren’t going to have anymore so it’s not like I can make more if you mess these up. Where is the innocence? Where is the cheery dispositions and child like quality that we adored in the old Disney shows? Have you also fallen to the cynicism of society? Et tu Disney?