Does Your Relationship Forward You?
Real Relationship Advice
When we talk about letting go, we are often asked how to decide what is a real relationship and what is dead weight. We would love to tell you that a real relationship looks a certain way or always wears a red bow while dead weight looks like an albatross, large and awkward. But, alas, that does not work that way. You need to create your own criteria of what constitutes a good relationship and what does not. We will, however, make some suggestions as to how you go about making that list:
1. Does the relationship forward you?
We use the term ‘forward you’ because it is the essence of progress. To forward something is to be a change agent. If the person in your life encourages you to move forward and is a cheer leader to your progress, this is a person who forwards you.
2. Does the relationship make you feel good?
This is tricky because we walk the fine line between happiness and addiction. So many people confuse an orgasm with happiness or a fleeting moment of cheer with well-being. They are different. Happiness is not a temporary state; it is a way of being. Well-being is not momentary; it is a way of looking at life. You can’t trade a minute of pleasure for your happiness.
3. Does this person hurt you?
Once again, this is a tricky question. First, no one can hurt us without our permission. However, some people intentionally say things to push buttons and get a reaction. Some people enjoy creating drama so then they can placate and make up with their partner. Secondly, some people are just mean. If the person you are evaluating is mean or intentionally starting drama, then the choice is easy. Isn’t it?
4. Do you feel good when you are with them?
We all know what it feels like to walk on egg shells around someone for fear that one false move will set them off. Perhaps it was one of your parents. Maybe it was a boss or even a lover. Regardless of who they were we know the feeling and we know it is not pleasant and does not forward you.
5. Are you with them as a rescuer?
Sometimes we have friends and lovers that we keep around because we feel that we are taking care of them. Sometimes we are being such rescuers that we keep a stable of victims around to protect them from being alone and lonely. This is sick and DOES NOT FORWARD YOU!
Try out these questions as you evaluate the people in your life. It all comes down to you and what you need. Please remember that you are responsible for yourself and your happiness.