Do You Have Nut Allergies?

We have been virtually silent since the election regarding the politics of today. The lead up to the election had us writing non-stop for CoupleDumb and other sites regarding our own political beliefs and what we saw was happening to the very fabric of our society. This week, we break our silence for just a bit to share with you some of our realizations and especially our new vocabulary that we use to describe some of the things that have happened to us and, pretty sure, happened to many of you out there as well. We hope that Webster places it in next year’s dictionary or at the very least, it is picked up by Urban Dictionary. We figure if literally can be made to mean metaphorically, we have a chance. Please, take these terms, use them in good health and try to maintain a sense of humor as some people try to tear down the world around us.

No nuts or Becks (same thing)

Today’s term is ‘Severe Nut Allergy’: This is what you say to people when they ask you if you are still following politics. You answer, ‘No, because I have a Severe Nut Allergy’.

Example: My Dad watches Fox news, listens to assholes like Limbaugh and other hate filled radio. He used to send me emails that were, shall we say, lacking any kind of veracity. The titles were something like, ‘Obama burns Bibles in Bonfire in the Rose Garden’ and ‘Michelle Obama linked to the Black Panthers’ and even better ‘Obama declares that Sharia Law is a pretty good idea’. During one of our heated conversations, he asked me, “Don’t you watch any good news like Fox?” My answer was simple, “No, Daddy, I have a severe nut allergy and avoid Fox news.”

How do you know you have a Severe Nut Allergy:

  1. If you are told that creationism belongs in science books and react with a constriction of your throat and inability to breathe because you are laughing so hard, you have a Severe Nut Allergy.
  2. If a parent or friend mentions to you that Ted Cruz is looking very presidential and asks, ‘Hey you’re Cuban, aren’t you gonna vote for one of your own?’ and your reaction is to gasp and hyperventilate, you have a Severe Nut Allergy.
  3. If your reaction to Sarah Palin on TV is to throw whatever is near at the screen to avoid hearing a single utterance from her mouth for fear that you will lose IQ points, you definitely have a Severe Nut Allergy.
  4. If you were once a moderate but find yourself so far to the left because the right has become so ridiculous, join the club because you have a Severe Nut Allergy!

Look, we understand that politics is a personal thing and using the word ‘nut’ to describe a person’s beliefs is not very adult but when that same person spouts conspiracy theories or has stock piled gold because Glenn Beck has predicted World War 3 or the lunatics of the Tea Party are all singing along to Victoria Jackson’s ukulele song of caution that Sharia Law is taking over the government and still asking for birth certificates and calling the President a Muslim, we figured ‘nut’ was the nicest word we could think of.

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