Do It For Love

If you go to your local bookstore and look at the non-fiction stuff coming out, you’ll see a theme. We have created a whole new dynamic in relationship: DIY Love. All the books are about some insipid lessons on manipulative things you can do to trap a guy. It’s really sad. Most of these are written by single women. We aren’t disparaging the lot but we do find their product dilutes the real ‘How to’ books out there and provides false hope for those who buy them.

If you want to know how to get a man you may need to avoid a bookstore. The constant pressure to pair up like some pseudo Ark experiment has created an entire generation of relationship/sex addicts. The standard advice if you are dumped is go and fuck someone else as if sex can remove the sting of rejection. In this world, relationships are in different stages of germination. I can be married today but I am already friends with a bunch a guys on Facebook and I have been FB chatting with one guy and texting another. The reality is being alone is almost akin to the hermits of old.

God forbid you tell anyone, including me, that you don’t have a Facebook account or Twitter. You might as well tell me you churn your own butter, make your clothes out of pelts and your cave maintains a constant temperature all year. It’s almost inhuman when someone is not social enough. With the advent of social networking, we have created new avenues for creating love and exacerbated the age old issues of how to find the right person. It is only a matter of time before Facebook opens up a dating service (and when you do I call intellectual property but since I saw Social Network I know I will probably get screwed).

The main problem with creating relationships today is the people seeking them. We are damaged merchandise. We have been tainted with the cynicism of the media and wounded by our friends. We walk around saying we want to be loved with the tremendous fear that we may actually get it. We are hopeful and skeptical. We walk around with this schizoid perspective of happiness and we are unaware that our only obstacle is ourselves.

Do you want to know how to have the love of your dreams? It is easy. Allow yourself the love of your dreams. Don’t shit on possibilities. Don’t protect yourself from vulnerability. Don’t treat every encounter like something from Wild Kingdom. Marlin Perkins will not be doing the voice over as you circle your prey and play coy and games and lie and wait to pounce. Gone are the days of guileless courting; I like you and you like me. And lastly, be honest with him/her and yourself.

It always amazes me that people ‘hook up’ under false pretenses and are completely devastated when they break up citing that their partners changed. They didn’t change they got lazy and the veil fell. Yours probably did too. Maybe you stopped holding in your gut or your British accent went away. Either way, you were not ‘you’ and they were not themselves either.

Innocence, courage and a certain kamikaze drive have a lot to do with love. Be available for love. Be a fool for love. Be willing for love. Be everything love is and more for love. But most of all be honest for love. It is quite simple. There is no love strategy. Just be. (Now, creating a marriage is a whole different story).

Be grand for love. Be excited for love. Be pudding for love. Be a spatula for love. Have no knees for love. Be a competitive eater for love. Have 32 poodles dressed in leather tutus for love.

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