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Once a year, we think it’s a good thing to clear the decks and start with a fresh slate. Once a year, we hold a secular Yom Kippur where we confess our sins and atone through self flagellation. No, we did not say flatulation. We do a sort of self beating that can only be characterized as weak and never befitting of the crime. So CoupleDumb, after a week of ranting followed by a week of ‘what the hell are all these reviews?’, is doing Confessions of Naughty Writers week which will culminate on October 29th. What’s October 29th? In some countries and principalities, it is celebrated with fatted calves and lots of boxed wines. It’s Paul’s birthday and you should probably be thinking of what to send him now because overnight shipping is expensive.
1. Some days I feel like getting in my car and driving North.
Have you ever had that feeling of ‘get me the hell out of here’? Yeah, I get that sometimes and it just makes me want to jump in my car and head North because I live in South Florida and driving any other direction will get me wet.
2. I think young people are stupid.
I have to admit, I am an ageist. I have found few young people who thoroughly impress me. I know, most 20 somethings are clamoring to impress me but I am serious here. Recently, on the same evening, I met two young women. One was 23 (Lua) and the other was like 27. The 23 year old was brilliant, insightful and fun. The 27 year old was stuck, limited and arrogant. It’s that attitude of ‘I know what I know and who I am’ that makes me label the young ‘stupid’. Those of you seeking my approval have been warned.
3. I hate discourteous people.
Sure, I can say I dislike them or they annoy me, however, I would be negating the deep loathing I have for impolite people. They make life burdensome and society slows down to look at that Dick who just forgot to say ‘Thank you’. So say ‘Thank you’ or ‘Excuse me’ or ‘Please’, Asshole.
4. I think some people should be quarantined from the world for being jerks.
I realize I’m hitting on a theme here but I am not talking about groups of people of a certain race, creed, color or gender. I am talking about individuals who choose to be assholes. I am talking about people who, for example, feel it is A-OK to lump a whole group of people into one category. You know like Bill O’Reilly. ‘They killed us’? Ouch, dude. I’m not a Muslim but I am pretty sure I didn’t die on 9/11.
5. I hate Tweens and Teens acting like adults.
Maybe I’m getting old but I’m pretty sure when I was 16 I didn’t need anyone to love. I would have loved a guy to hang out with, dance with and make out. Love? Nah. And all of this sexualizing and pressure cooker of media/buzz pushing them to be older than they are has to stop before I have to put everyone in time out (not before I wash the eye liner off the girls and boys). Oh, and for fuck sake, take those bangs out of your eyes!