Champagne or brooding?
Hi! Welcome to Thursday. If you read our Monday post then you know that Lee reprimanded me for not welcoming you. So welcome to the day after hump where we are celebrating success. Today we are looking at success in relationship.
Paul says: Let’s face it, all of our highbrow philosophies of marriage being a corporation, equitable division of labor, and prioritizing your relationship are simple to follow when a couple has nothing. Divvying up nothing in equal proportions is easy. Nothing for you. Nothing for me. One, two nothings for you. One, two nothings for me. And here is a little extra nothing ‘cause you’ve been good. It is when a little success enters the room that things get tricky and all of the insecurities come kicking up into our asses. It is then that the feelings of inadequacy, the fears of scarcity, and the little perpetually bruised ego come into play to screw up the success of the relationship.
Let me illustrate with my own fleeting moment of neurosis. Saturday for the book signing, we started with a little presentation. The store manager introduces us and Lee begins the spiel. People immediately laugh and nod and are engaged. Please understand that Lee is an amazing speaker. She is witty, insightful and beautiful and I began to feel inadequate. I felt like I needed to say more, do more, be more. It was definitely my ‘I am not enough’ dysaffirmation that was rolling around my head. In that moment, I felt sorry for Lee because she was married to me.
Luckily all of this happened at the speed of crazy, just a little under that of light, and I was able to recognize that I was being ridiculous. I forced my mind back to the reality that our Lee/Paul dynamic was what attracted the people in the first place. I got my little unhealthy ego in check and gave into the fact that that night was a success, not for Lee and not for Paul, but for our relationship and CoupleDumb.
Once I realized that we are a couple, then I became my quippy self and CoupleDumb, the corporate name for our relationship, kicked ass in a way that was greater than the sum of the parts.
We advocate keeping focus on the relationship unit, calling it a corporation or simply stating that the relationship must take priority, and this post is no different in that respect. But now we are adding another layer; a warning and an admonishment to share. You see, the problems come when you least expect them. For those of us with low self esteem, they come when we review our successes with the chartreuse colored glasses of insecurity that filter out our contributions and amplify others. Or, for our self involved friends out there, it comes when we forget that there were others building a foundation for us to thrive in.
Lee says: I’m sorry again for my husband’s lack of manners. He didn’t offer anyone a drink and invite them in. But that’s Paul. He figures if you already have been here, you know where the glasses are, you know not to touch his scotch and you can plant your ass anywhere but his lounge chair. This is who he is and I would not change that for the world. Does it annoy me that he doesn’t do things like me? Sure. But if he was exactly like me it would give the all too often heard in my direction ‘Hey Lee, go fuck yourself!’ a whole new meaning.
The reviews of the book signing are amazing. My favorite was the review on our presentation and how I would set Paul up and he would knock it out of the park. This is us. We are a partnership, corporation, company and couple. We are Steve and Edie with some Ben and Jerry on the side. We are song and dance and corporate savvy with a flair for community and gratitude. My success is his success and visa versa. Our insecurities, especially in this world of artistry, are a mish mosh of self esteem coupled with a complete lack of faith in our selves. I thank all of you for sharing in our inability to celebrate our accomplishment. In sharing, we are on our way to uncovering the moldy beliefs and traumas that surround success. Of course we’ll tell you what we find because our company has no confidentiality agreement.