Celebrity Smackdown : The Hollywood Resolution
We have been good for a whole month! Not once have we smacked down a celebrity. The WTF of the Weeks posts on Saturday do not count in this equation. We have refrained from berating, dressing down, throttling and exposing celebrities for several weeks now and with the dawn of a New Year we are itching to get back into the game. Last week we were pre-empted by the People’s Choice Awards so we have saved our Celebrity Smackdown of the stupidest New Year Resolutions by Celebrities for today. Enjoy and try to not step in anything.
Lee says: Leave it to a celebrity to try to sound evolved while main-lining an eight ball and getting treated for a venereal disease. I’m not saying some celebrities are drug addicts but there have been some indications that some stars have dabbled in narcotics and other mind altering substances (some things I say to keep our attorney happy). I am saying some celebs have V.D.. I fucking dare you to call me out on that one!
Some of their resolutions are sweet and some just sound like it would be a nice thing to say. Come on celebs! How about some really juicy resolutions that involve the IRS or minor surgery? These are tame!
Here are a few examples of resolutions and a few that they should have made.
Justin Timberlake- ‘I’m going to underpromise myself for 2010 so if it goes well I’ll be like, ‘Oh my God! Such a surprise!’ – How about you make some more music Justin and stop playing golf? Right now that sport is mired in all sorts of scandal and too seedy for a cutey like you. What, you thought I would be mean to him?
Miley Cyrus- ‘I need to stop talking about things I want to do, and just get out there and do it. That’s been my biggest goal recently, especially while I’m on the road.’ – How about resolving to get an education that involves acting your age? Oh, and stop smoking and drinking Jack!
Adam Lambert- ‘To keep being positive and try to live in the moment and enjoy this.’ – I would agree because next year you will be starring in a dinner theatre revival of ‘Gypsy’.
Kim Kardashian- ‘Just to spend a little bit more time with my family and my friends and to really kick it up in the workout department and to try to eat better. I cannot get it together with eating. I eat way too many Oreos.’ – If your ass is made of oreos, I would rethink that plan.
Lindsay Lohan- ‘My New Year’s resolution is to stop letting the lucky few that have my heart, try2constantly tear me down. 2010 is about moving forward, not backwards. Leaving the bad (people, habits, and negative energy behind) time to make changes-right!?!?’ – I would start with your hair which has a sort of stringy, white trash look to it. Then I would get a job. Maybe in the service industry.
Corbin Bleu- ‘January is when I start on the Broadway stage, so my resolution is to blow everyone away on that stage.’ – How about getting a career where an adult would know who the hell you are? Perhaps cut your hair so you don’t have that frayed q-tip look.
Hailey Glassman- ‘To finally stand up for myself, not let myself be controlled and manipulated by Jon [Gosselin]. I wish for him out of my life.’ – Wait a second, isn’t that what Jon said about Kate? Hailey, get a life. Take a course called ‘How to idenitify a douchebag’. Or better yet, teach the course.
Just more proof that celebrities (and with this list I use the term loosely) are people just like us. They want to have a positive year with minimal drama. Sure, that’s what they say they want but the reality is always different.