Celebrity Smackdown : The Nuts

So Howie, Who are you wearing today?

          Usually by Wednesday, we start getting a little antsy. We feel that we will not have a rapid end to the week unless we smack down a celebrity. With the topic of the week being ‘Everyday Crazy’, Hollywood and Celebrityland is full of weirdoes, oddballs and goofballs that stretch the definition. In fact, there are so many celebrities that could be mentioned here that we have decided to concentrate on those who probably are medicated and/or should be medicated for their cuckooness. Now put on your gloves and avoid any body fluids as we enter the land of Celebrity Nuts.


          Lee says: There are many stars and celebs that are outed as crazy. Many stars have jumped the neurotic/psychotic line and found a nice bungalow in loonyville. Actors such as Margot Kidder and Anne Heche have shown us that clothing in the Hollywood Hills is optional, especially if you are being followed or aliens are out to get you. Apparently, the nudity throws off the tracking device that is implanted in their brains. These actors, after a very public freak out, got on their meds and have had a pretty good career.


          Then you have people like Howie Mandel who is a self-admitted and medicated mysophobe (fear of germs). He is known to avoid the handshake and opt for the very macho fist bump and often makes fun of his condition. You see, this is the kind of crazy I like. Unlike most ego dragging celebs, Howie realizes his responsibility to the world and talks about a fairly common phobia. However a phobia, by mere definition is still considered a neurosis because it is an irrational fear. Sure, some mysophobes become so fucked up that they actually close themselves off from the world, tape the door jams and take to drinking there own filtered urine to avoid fluoridated water. Think Howard Hughes. Howie’s life is the happy conclusion to dealing with an everyday crazy with a proactive approach instead of hiding it until it controls your life.


          Then you have scary stories like Lindsay Lohan. Now, the funny thing is that a year ago when we started our blog, she was the first person I spoke of and I am still harping on this. I am frankly surprised she is still alive. On the one hand, you have Britney Spear. Her conservatorship has forcefully straightened out her life through getting her well medicated and with the appropriate medical help to get her mental illness under control. Britney was not everyday crazy. Britney was bug fuck crazy. Britney was making bad choices. Shaving her head. Bad associates. Barefoot in gas station bathrooms. Nightly runs to the local gas stations for smokes and Cheetos before a Frappachino at Starbucks. All these showed the restlessness of mental illness.


          Lindsay is there as well. In her case, she has no parents that will take over her life because they are too busy using her fucked up life to make themselves famous. Lindsay (if you haven’t seen any pictures of her lately you should look her up) is looking a little used. She hasn’t worked in forever because she probably can’t hold a job and is constantly moving, not unlike the Brittney restlessness. She has emotional outbursts and is constantly seen in leggings. I am sure I can make a case on why leggings are a  symptom of psychosis.


          I honestly see her spiraling into oblivion. She has the mannerisms of an addict and the physicality of a crazy person. She walks with no grace and whether it was the over use of a substance that has removed the myelin sheathing of her neurons which has her walking not unlike a toothless crackhead or she is walking with the singular purpose that the mentally ill have. Sweetie, get on some meds, get in a program and straighten yourself out. You are over 21 so tell your parents to fuck off and live your life. Maybe Brittney’s Dad isn’t too busy and can take over your life too.

2 comments

  • I just heard on the radio yesterday morning, that Lindsay is talking with producers about having her own talk show. GASP…yep, you heard correct. I’m not sure if it’s true or not, but they were saying that she wants it to be much like ‘The View’, except with younger women doing the viewing. Hmm…..any guesses on who she’ll have co-hosting?

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