Celebrity Smackdown : The Crazy Quaids

They look like they need a "compound" and followers. 

         The topic this week is ‘Losing your mind’ and it has never been more appropriate for a mid week smackdown of the celebrity persuasion. The tabloids and gossip internet sites are replete with celebs and their eccentricities of the week. For some, being addicts suffices for their lack of imagination as they plunge into crazy land. For others, losing their marbles and slipping into a case of ‘exhaustion’ requiring court orders, medication and huggy jackets is really a story for the ages. These are the true artists who take their lunacy seriously. However, instead of dramatic biopics like Frances Farmer these tales will be told along with fart jokes and Cheeto stains.


          Lee says: I’d like to remind the readers that I am a professional. Some of you know that I am a psychotherapist and take this all very seriously. Normally, I would be appalled at using terms like crazy and losing your mind and bugfuck. However, when we use these expressions for celebrities, I am first in line to call out the FREAKS! With so many to choose from, it took me a while to zero in on the really unhinged. I mean, what criteria would we use to narrow down the list? I decided to avoid those with addiction issues and save them for later. This let Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love, Tom Sizemore, Mickey Rourke and the list goes on and on off the hook.


          I chose the following people because they are a couple and, quite frankly, CoupleDumb respects doing things together including getting 5150’d at the same time. Of course the couple for smackdown is none other than Randy and Evi Quaid. These two have been together for over 20 years and show the world that celebrity relationships are not destined for divorce. However, what they do show is that when two creative folk get together and have a tenuous pincer grasp on reality, zaniness is not far behind.


          For those of you who prefer to get your news from smoke signals and Glenn Beck (if you are a Beckian- you need to leave now!), the Quaids were arrested in Texas for skipping out on a hotel bill in Santa Barbara. They have also failed to appear in court three times and are now in the process of being extradited from Texas to Santa Barbara. Yeah, you heard that right. Randy ‘I was in Brokeback Mountain, the Vacation Movies and so many more’ Quaid is wanted by the cops. He and his artsy fartsy wife have decided this is a hoot and feel persecuted by everyone. Don’t you get it people? These are artistes!


          They are also being charged with burglary and vandalism. Hmmm. Did they manage to get the bolted on lamp off the night stand? Did they steal a towel? Well, according to the Santa Barbara inn keeper, these whackos stayed there for a month and trashed the place then skipped out on the bill. Well, Mr. Inn Keeper, these are artists and any attempt at stifling the flow of inspiration is against the laws of man and nature. This includes defecating on furniture, drawing with lipstick on a wall and ripping up carpets to see if there are listening devices (no, they didn’t do this but I am leaving me and Paul a wide berth for when we are celebrities and decide to lose our fucking minds).


          Randy, I am really sad. I loved you in ‘Christmas Vacation’ and the thought that you probably weren’t acting is making me cry. Is it because you aren’t as good looking as your little brother Dennis? I can imagine that would fuck with you a little but I think I can safely say that your brother may lend you the ten grand if you asked nicely. Is it because of your wife? I’m sorry to say that the bitch has the crazy eyes (a professional term-look it up) and it was merely a matter of time. So our advice is dump the bitch, shave the beard, get some slippers and a robe. When you are nice and comfy, you can reflect on all the crazy shit you did. Dude, ultimately it ain’t cool to be crazier than Gary Busey. Besides that fucker had actual brain damage and insanity is just a perk.

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