Celebrity Smackdown : Sex


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                We have perverted sex. Stop laughing and keep reading. Sex is a beautiful, physical expression. Notice I did not say ‘of love’. I personally believe that it is an expression of love but there are so many non-believers it’s like trying to show the obvious signs of evolution to a creationist. They aren’t going to accept that. Sure that is their own problem stemming from childhood issues with abandonment or ambivalent parents which created their sub-conscious repelling of any intimacy, but I digress. The messages we receive about sex are completely distorted. Not just now, since the beginning of media.

                In days gone by, we had puritanical views of sex. Sex was something you did with your spouse for procreation, under covers and with all your clothes on. That’s right. Doing it consisted of just two fully clothed adults under hot blankets making the beast with two backs. I don’t know about you but that would be hot! Not sexy hot but ‘dear God how the hell did I get to Arizona’ hot! Sex was something dirty, a necessary evil and something that was completely private. Sexuality or sensuality was punishable by law. Women were to cover every inch of their bodies and showing skin was in the same legal category as assault with a deadly weapon. That’s right ladies, showing your forearm was the same as braining someone with a bat! 

                We moved from that ridiculous era to a more subversive time. Everybody knew what was going on behind closed doors but there were only a few people willing to break from the norm. Sex continued to be dirty in certain sects but there was almost an awakening that the act was not to be blamed. This was turn of the century where you had Sigmund Freud espousing that women were ‘hysterical’ because what they need was a good schtooping (this is the clinical term). You still had nut-balls like Kellogg talking about onanism being the worst disease a man can suffer saying people would ‘die of their own hands’ (I’m not sure if he meant the pun since he seemed so up-tight). But there was a split. And it’s this split that we still live today.

                 Since this time, we have vacillated from permissive to prudes. The 70s ‘Me generation’ created a culture of ‘free love’ and spawned open activities like swinging, swapping and sex clubs. That’s right, go ahead and imagine your great aunt and uncle wearing polyester leisure suits and platform shoes getting it on at their neighbors house on their green, shag carpet. Cocaine fueled marathons of boinking only stopped in the 80s with the onslaught of HIV. This is where the prude took over again and we were encouraged to ‘Just say No’. Sure, that message was for drugs but ultimately, the subliminal message spawned abstinence programs. You know what those are, right? Those are the silly programs that encourages teens to cover their ears and eyes and lalalalala if sex is presented to them. Don’t teach them healthy boundaries, teach them to trust God. Don’t teach them that this is a healthy choice, teach them they will burn in hell and their souls will be flayed by demons. Straddling the line of permissive and prude is a dangerous business and these teachings are like handing kids a loaded gun.

                Sex has been portrayed in the media with the come here/go away attitude that we are use to as a society. Talk about sex in innuendo on TV but don’t say any bad words. Objectify women and girls in bikinis and push up bras and surgeries to enhance what was already beautiful but if you have a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ and show a bedazzled nipple, you are in for years of trouble. ‘It’s a family show!’ they cried from the Bible belt. Sure, a plethora of beer commercials are shown on kid channels. In fact I just had Ricky ask me for a brewski while he watched Yo Gabba Gabba.

                We are a sexually schizophrenic society and we need to take our meds soon. Our kids are engaging in sex at a younger age. We demonize adultery by drumming people out of politics and endorsements but seem just fine with a teenager having a child out of wedlock and even let her dance on TV. Which one is unhealthier? I’m not gonna play Samuel in this farce and split the baby to make everyone happier. All I’m saying is stop pretending sex is a gift from God that you need to hide in the basement. Let us dialogue openly and learn things about sexuality in the light. Accept and love and go get yourself some.

One comment

  • I just tried to go get me some and was met with a mid-snore, half-drooling mumble of which I could make no sense. Let’s talk about bad timing.

    Coupledumb’s facelift is so natural looking. Kudos to the doc.

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