Celebrity Smackdown : Sex


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          It is sex week at CoupleDumb! It’s like Shark Week only less anticipation and sharp teeth. Talking about sex in the context of celebrity is like discussing peas and pods or hands and gloves or feet and shoes….I think you get the picture.

          Lee says: I have a lot to say about sex and celebrity. I have so much to say that I really can’t think of anything specific to say. It’s like when you’re so hungry but can’t think of anything to eat because you are so hungry but with words and sex and opinions. You see celebrity is defined as anyone with notoriety. In the old days, celebrity came about from being an actor or a person in a band. I can’t say musician because so many fine and famed musicians had no celebrity whatsoever. Today, making a sex tape is a straight shot to celebrity-land. It helps if you have some sort of platform; perhaps your Dad had some notoriety or your sibling is famous or you did a reality show. Then you need to hook up with someone and film it. That’s all.  An Overnight sensation, if you allow the pun.

          So said celebrity is now receiving fame and fortune because they had no boundaries or self esteem. To people like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian, integrity is a big word with lots of letters. And yet, before their sex tapes, they were just party girls with a recognizable name and money. I guess what I’m saying is that they had to sell a little piece of their soul, or other body part, to get the world-wide fame they enjoy now. They didn’t have perfumes or clothing lines or extensions or whatever other shit they hock. They were spoiled little girls growing up on the mean streets of L.A..

          There is a message to all of this. You have young girls cycling through boyfriends like playing cock roulette and boys… well they are still doing what they have always done, really. There have always been women willing to give it up and there are always boys/men willing to take it. When you mix celebrity into the mix, the boundaries no longer apply. I guess what I am really trying to say here is that being a celebrity is tough on boundaries. You need to be willing to be vulnerable and reachable to connect with your audience. To be vulnerable, you must allow others into your world. Your boundaries get wonky and you allow yourself to do things that normal people would deem stupid. You know, like using night vision to tape yourself having sex with a boyfriend.

          This brings me to what my real point is, NEVER MAKE A SEX TAPE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND UNLESS YOU ERASE IT RIGHT AFTER. I would suggest that to the married people too. Watch it, if you can and then erase or burn or stick it in the compactor or drop it in acid or something really toxic. I guess what I really wanted to say was always keep a vat of toxic waste around to get rid of evidence like a sex tape or photos or compromising etchings. There is no reason to keep that around. I don’t know about you but I have a ton of DVDs that I bought, watched once and now they are dust collectors. It’s not like you are preserving a memory for when you’re older. “Remember when you could backward cowgirl honey?” “Oh, remember when you could have an erection?” You aren’t going to watch it again so get rid of it before the kids find it or something happens to your happy union and one of you gets to blackmail the other because what if your Dad saw you doing that?

          I guess what I ultimately needed to say was only fuck people you trust unless you want to make a sex tape then find a skeevy asshole who will sell your image fellating a donkey all while looking like a sniper is about to take you out. Yeah, that’s what I wanted to say.

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