Celebrity Smackdown: Rick Sanchez

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Hurty Sanchez
www.thedailyshow.com
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          This week CoupleDumb is playing the game -Spot the Crazy. This week’s Crazy has to be the person who committed air-wave suicide. This week’s Crazy has to be the person who spent 48 minutes on the radio making sure that everyone knows that he’s a bigot. This week’s Crazy has to be a man who defended his bigoted point of view while labeling all his critics as bigots after sharing his heart wrenching story of being born ‘a poor Cuban child’. Of course, I am speaking of Rick Sanchez and before anybody gets their panties in a wad over this Smackdown, I will remind all of you that I am Cuban, my parents speak English with a very thick accent and I still eat pork as often as possible.

          So in case you have been living under a rock this weekend, the one crazy story that kind of nudged the important news of gay suicides to one side, was Rick Sanchez losing his shit on the radio last week. After this interview, where Rick suffered from oral diarrhea that could not be stopped by the interviewer, Mr. Sanchez lost his job at CNN.

          Wow! Those lovely stories of being treated like a dog by some white lady who would not give him water and how his Dad turned that trauma into a lesson of how in this country you have to work hard but that there are people in this country who will say that you aren’t at their level/quality, have proven to be self fulfilling. In other words, his crazy was programmed early on. We’ll call it the ‘chip on your Shoulder Crazy’. You know the guy who has to prove he deserves what he has and how hard he worked and how easy you have it and his success is earned and yours is given to you and you can never understand the hardship, blah, blah, blah.

          Rick! Pull up a chair and take a quick listen here. Here is some free advice from a therapist. You had a prime spot as an anchor on CNN and still you bitched about how some people at CNN saw you as only a Hispanic reporter? You weren’t being discriminated. You were being an ungrateful bastard. It must be a total pain to live with you. As for the Jews not being a minority and not thinking they suffer the same prejudices other minorities do, I would like to direct your attention to entire countries, hate groups, international terrorist groups and small business owners in Middle America who would rather see a Jew dead rather than alive. Shame on you and so many other bone-headed idiots like yourself who have just equated having success with no longer being a minorities. By that definition, you are no longer a minority.

          And now the hard part. Rick, John never made fun of you because you are Cuban. John Stewart did not poke fun at your inability to pronounce a word (like annals) because you are a slightly accented Hispanic. He poked fun at you because you are a talking head who thinks he is smart and is really not. You have been lucky, mi amigo. You have parlayed your handsomeness into a good job, acere. You have duped the white man into thinking you are a whitey like him and maybe the John Stewart-like people confused you for one of them because you were from Miami, compa. However, Rick, you, as we say in our country, are a ‘come mierda’ (shit eater) who just fucked up a sweet gig. If you had any doubt of why John Stewart made fun of you, you have just proved it. Who else would be so stupid to spout such incredible shit?!

          I warn all out there who may know a ‘chip on your shoulder’ type of crazy person. They have something to prove and will bull-doze their way through your life trying to prove it. Rick, you need some reality therapy. Your parents weren’t oppressed by the man. Your parents chose not to assimilate, thus never learning the language, and instead of making the effort chose to live victims of the system built by the white man. Hey, my parents came in the early 60s too with no one here, worked 3 jobs at a time and in less than 4 years were opening their first factory. I will add that it was a Jew who first partnered with my Dad. No silver spoon. No Sugar Daddy. Simple hard work and adapting to the system. So please, Ricky, don’t blame the ‘Man’ or the ‘Jew’ for your lack of money at an early age. Be a real American. Blame your parents!

One comment

  • Aymee

    This has to be one of your BEST POSTS EVER! I think I just pissed myself… This will certainly keep me laughing ALL DAY!

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