Celebrity Smackdown : Mariah

Soon to be seen in her starring role in Celebrity Rehab.

          Is it Wednesday already? Wow, time flies when you’re having fun or avoiding the police. We have been hard at work, here at CoupleDumb. Sunday we live blogged the Golden Globes and only broke into the obscentities after a bottle of champagne and 15 minutes of typing. Since we were already talking about acknowledgment, we figured there was nothing that celebrities loved more than being noticed. Hell, they are even willing to acknowledge stuff that most of us would feel shame about. We guess that’s what separates regular people from attention seeking whores (present company included).


          Lee says: There is nothing like an award show to bring out the insecurities of a celebrity; from the walk on the red carpet to the actual show to the nomination and win/loss to which party they were invited to. A celebrity must show up and give the perfunctory ‘Look at me!’ before heading off to In and Out Burger to break their three week fast to look good in their clothes. Then you have those disaffected celebs who find the whole thing a total bother and act like they are doing everyone a favor by showing up. One question to these really cool people: Why go? If you are so fucking cool that you don’t need any kind of extrinsic validation, then why show up at all?


          This leads us to a recent awards presentation where Mariah Carey seemed to forget that she wasn’t Meryl Streep. Let’s face it, Meryl Streep can literally walk the red carpet wearing overalls and a dirty bandana and fart her acceptance speech. She can get away with that because she is the bar by which actors are measured. However, Mariah doesn’t have the same clout and if you don’t believe me then you were unlucky enough to see her theatrical debut in ‘Glitter’ and you recently came out of a catatonic state and do not recall the brain shattering heap of caca that that film was.


          Mariah decided to attend the Palm Springs Film Festival since she was nominated for Best Supporting Actress for her film ‘Precious’. Now, as a smackdown aside, my understanding is that she did a wonderful job in her role as a social worker. The stills and clips from the film show her dressed in tweed and with a slight mustach which is not unlike most social workers I know (holla bitches!). And the courage it took to let her mustach go unwaxed is truly a sacrifice for the diva. So what did such a committed artiste do when she won the award? Why, she fucked it all up of course!


          Mariah was totally drunk and probably not expecting her name to be called. So when it was all she could say was…”Oh my goodness! I don’t think they understand the kitten in cotton thing. No we don’t. Ok, I love you,” “I have to say this is – and please forgive me because I’m a little bit um…[some dude yelled drunk] yeah. Oh my goodness…” Then went on to talk about how she met Helen Mirin and wow and geez and Oh my goodness. So? What’s the big fucking deal, right? She went. She had a little fun enjoying just being acknowledged for her work and BAM! The fuckers go and give her the award. No biggy!


          The fuck up came where she tried to cover up her inebriation saying that she hadn’t eaten or was dehydrated or her dress was cutting her in half and smashing her boobs into her esophagus. She lied. She realized,’Oh my goodness, Meryl Streep doesn’t do this,’ and totally weenied out. Sadly, I know for a fact that Helen Mirin was doing tequila shots off of Gerard Butler’s ass during the show and she would have told us just that during her acceptance speech.


          Mariah, darling, it’s all about acknowledging things and letting them be real. You could have stood up there and said, ‘Oh my goodness, I didn’t expect this honor so I was drinking kamikazes out of a sippy cup. Thank you for acknowledging my work.’ Put it out there. Kind of like Kanye with less belligerance and stupidity.

One comment

  • BRAVO! Honesty usually is the best policy. Especially when you are in the public. Sooooo much can go wrong when you begin the lying game. Right?? Now I have to cover up and pretend, and you know that people can see right through you, but there’s a part of you that even lies to yourself, and says… “Nah, I’m really good, and nobody will ever know.” yaaaah…. right! 🙂

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