Celebrity Smackdown : Hollywood Food

That's not really Jesus. Jesus likes his coffee hot and black, like his women.

          Does everyone have their smacking gloves on? We do! It feels good to let loose every now and then. It feels good to not hold back your feelings and let those judgments fly. It feels good to say the things that everyone thinks but are too politically correct to say for fear reprisal through law suits or thugs named Bernard. It feels good to mention that anything we say on CoupleDumb is really our personal opinion and an editorial of said subject matter. It feels good to make our attorney happy. So now that we said that, we can concentrate on something as elusive as Loch Ness and enigmatic as alien abduction. We are talking about celebrities and food.


          Lee says: This is so unfair. Paul picks the theme of the week and I am stuck figuring out which celebrity has food issues or demonstrates a poor relationship to food. Yeah, that’s easy. The realization is that you never see celebrities eating. Sure, you see them drinking their Starbucks and Red Bulls but you never see them pounding back a Big Mac or munching on some tacos. It just isn’t seen. Sure, occasionally you’ll catch them leaving a restaurant or they’ll report that everyone went to In & Out Burger after an award show but do you see any paparazzi shots of them eating a Double Double with grilled onions and extra sauce? Nope. However, you do see celebrities leaving gyms all sweaty and sucking on a bottle of water. But, isn’t having no relationship with food dysfunctional?


          For years we have been seeing these people losing weight and staying rail thin. The waif has been around for over 40 years but can you blame Twiggy for the revamping of feminine perfection? Back then flat chested women with a 20 inch waist was pretty, but today, the girl better have some titties. We are looking for real Barbies. I am sure there is some stupid model asking a podiatrist to deform her right now to get that ungodly bend and tapering of her foot. To these girls, food is the enemy. It is an addiction. Explain? If an alcoholic stops drinking, isn’t he still an addict? Yes. An addiction is an obsession (thought) and a compulsion (action). He/she may stop drinking (action) but the obsession (thought) is still there. This unhealthy relationship with food not only affects them but their audience as well. Thanks to these bitches, their handlers, photographers, magazine editors and fashion designers, we are forced to adhere to their idea of physical perfection instead of them catering to the needs of their customers. Isn’t there something wrong with this?


          And then we have these famous for nothing bitches who spend every night partying and drinking and yet don’t gain an ounce. Thank God for bitches like the Kardashians who at least sport a real girl ass and yet are considered fat because they have hips and butts. You see, tits are fine. Humungous tits are acceptable but you can’t have a waist and your hips and ass better look like a 13 year old boy’s. Fake is fine in these equations. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been reconstructed to something akin to the 6 million dollar chick with bionic boobies, razor sharp pug nose and ab implants that make you look like your tummy was a school zone with speed bumps. As long as you are ‘perfect’ that’s great. But my question is how can these bitches drink as much as they do, and lets face it they have the DUIs to prove it, and yet not gain an ounce?


          Then last but not least, celebrities who gain and lose weight for a role. Yeah, that makes all of us with weight issues feel so much better. People like Robert DeNiro and Rene Zellwegger gaining weight for a role or Tom Hanks and Christian Bale losing an unhealthy amount for a role. To all these people, food is fuel and a means to an end. There is no reverence. Yes I know, I am a food addict but I am also spiritual. Food is a gift and without it we would die. I love my coffee like the next person and I have never ordered at Frappaccino in my life, however, you have to wonder whether they have all the nutrition a human needs to survive.

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