Celebrity Smackdown: BFF for Hire

You know she'd cut you for wearing makeup that clashed with her purse.

          Yippeee it’s Wednesday! You know if you do something enough times it could become an addiction. You tell yourself, ‘I’ll only do it once.’ But then once becomes twice. Then you stand firm that it will only happen once a week. But you can’t stop thinking about it. You figure, ‘Who will it hurt?’ And you know the answer to that one. The celebrity you choose for the smackdown! So you limit it to the topic of the week which is friendship which makes the smacking even more exciting. It’s the challenge that makes the high even higher!


          I have taken the time to point out my disdain of reality shows. I have no problem with the shows themselves since I have been known to spend entire weekends watching ‘Ninja Warrior’ on G4. However, the concepts of some of these tend to piss me off. One such show is ‘Paris Hilton’s My New BFF’. I have never heard of a sicker way to make friends. Not true actually. I knew of someone who literally paid people to befriend him, which in retrospect is not that different than what this bitch is doing.


          If you go to the MTV website you will see that last season’s BFF winner, Brittany, didn’t really want to be Paris’ friend and was only in the competition for exposure and fame. Heaven forefend! How can someone commit to a reality show on MTV to become Paris Hilton’s besty and secretly just want fame? Is it just me people or have we all lost a little piece of our innocence with this one? I know I have and shame on you Brittany!


          O.K., my cheeks hurt from holding back the ‘Yeah right!’ What the fuck Paris? You actually think any of these bitches want to be your friend. And if they do want to be your friend I would have their heads checked first. Not because you shouldn’t have support dear Ms. Hilton but if you are doing an open casting call for friendship you are bound to get some serious psycho-bitches to show up.


          But, all of this really begs the question, are you really that hard up for friends? Did Nicole Ritchie mess you up that bad that you have forgotten how to make friends?


          I’m not naïve and I know that the show is a concept which spun off from her Simple Life show with her former BFF. I know it is just an idea of how to get good looking people doing stupid shit on TV for young kids to watch and see advertising. It is the continued branding of Paris and her stuff across the hearts and minds of our susceptible youth. I understand this in my core since I too, like Paris, am a branding whore (CoupleDumb – Buy our Dysaffirmation Products).


          What insults my sensibility is the casualness of friendship. What annoys my sense of integrity is liking someone because of their looks. What pisses me off as a human being is that people are willing to bandy about the word friend like it means nothing. What yanks my chain is treating an honor like Best Friend as if it were as precious as one ply toilet paper.


          You don’t make friends by making them take oaths while drinking shots of champagne, caviar, sardines, honey and some other crap. You do it by drinking a bottle of Tequila and crying about that stupid guy you fucked a long time ago who gave you crabs but your friend won’t let you call him right now because you are in no condition and will probably regret it. And while you sleep she goes over to his house and rights ‘infected’ on his car 17 times. You don’t make friends by having them dive-in to a cupcake and out the potential BFFs as bitches and hos. You do it by making them cupcakes and eating them together while crying and sharing your deepest secrets.   


          So basically what I’m saying is that making a best friend is like getting the flu. There is probably some vomiting involved.

 

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