Sep 062012

Real Relationship Advice

jesus dinosaur 275w 261x300 Science Is Not A Matter Of Opinion

NOTE: CoupleDumb is The Relationship Blog and lately we have been overwhelmed by the craziness of politics. To be completely honest, we are insulted by the rhetoric, disinformation, distortion, hyperbole, puffery, stupidity, paranoia, mendacity, prevarication and downright lying. One thing is to stretch the truth but the other is to lie to the American people just to further an agenda. We feel disrespected as citizens of this country and feel that certain people have decided we can’t handle the truth. So, we are bringing back our ‘WTF of the Week’ where we point out the misdirection, lies, slips, insults and stupidities of the week.

When did science become a bad word? When did fact become a target of different opinion? When did ‘we will agree to disagree’ become the high road when one half of the argument was clearly wrong? We have said this many times before but it merits mentioning. We are snobs. We are those educated people that actually read journals and gawk at scientific discoveries. We have three kids who all have aspirations of being scientists and excel in those areas. It’s how we raised them.

In days gone by, the world looked to the U.S. for innovation, scientific excellence and rigorous method. Today, our fifteen-year-olds rank 25th among other teens from 34 countries on a math test and scored in the middle in science and reading. China tops the ranking in all educational areas. We have allowed politicians to privatize our schools, taking money out of stretched budgets and giving them to business men to run a school with little or no attention to providing services to our kids who need a little or a lot of extra help. We are allowing a person who only understands FTEs to produce curriculums with this crazy notion that private schools are better than public schools. The reality is that private schools are not equipped or inclined to work with kids who are average or below. We are creating a dangerous society of the haves and have nots. We are throwing money at charter schools with this ‘Hail Mary’ idea that they will produce the scientists and engineers we need for our futures.

Well, guess what, if Mom and Dad demonize, vilify and completely discredit science in their home then little Benvolio will not grow up to appreciate chemistry, physics or biology. Let’s face it, if you tell a kid that dinosaurs were around a few thousand years ago then read your Genesis (where the writers omitted the T-Rex eating the Tree of Knowledge) then you are not educating your child; you are indoctrinating them. The difference is obvious; educating is opening their eyes and mind to everything and allowing them to decide what they believe. We are stunting our kid’s scientific education because Christians fear that evolution will unravel the Bible and expose it as false. Your literalism and blatant disregard for scientific facts will cripple our futures. I really don’t think God needs your protection and people can come to Him without you covering up that your spiritual text took some literary liberties.

Science is not the death of Religion; fanatics are the assassins. When we decide that science is like a buffet and we can pick and choose what to believe or not then we are belittling the process. Denying evolution has allowed people to deny the more obvious. The seas are rising. The ice is melting. The world is 2-4 degrees hotter than it used to be. There is no debate on that. Denying climate change is the result of years of maligning science and thinking that it is all subjective. It isn’t. It is 2+2=4 and red and blue make purple. It is. Denying it is tantamount to sticking your fingers in your ears and seeing ‘Amazing Grace’. It doesn’t change that tornadoes are stronger, hurricanes are bigger and droughts are massive.

The difference between not believing in evolution and climate change is that global warming will eventually eliminate all of humanity. Just a reminder, the Bible does not include speeding up the rapture. I get you want to be with God but does that mean everybody has to die with you? Let’s just be clear, the facts do not change if you ignore them. Just like evolution, we will develop and adapt to the new high and low temps. We will assimilate to our lands covered in water by getting webbed feet and gills. Then we can revisit this idea that science is wrong.

Aug 232012

Real Relationship Advice

Akin 300x168 Legitimate Rape, Legitimate Idiot

One of my favorite movies of all times is “The Philadelphia Story” with Katherine Hepburn, Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart. The movie has great banter and how can you not love a film with such great actors. One of my favorite lines by Katherine Hepburn as Tracy Lord is, “I’m going crazy. I’m standing here, solidly on my own two hands and going crazy.” I think I know how she feels right now. I think a lot of people can relate to that right now. Why? Because we are in a profound moment of lunacy in this country and most of us with an I.Q. over 110 and an open mind are watching as our country slowly dips into insanity.

Sure, I can mention that the Republican Party actually entertained the idea of having Michelle Bachman as their presidential candidate. A woman who aside from having the crazy eyes, told her supporters that God had told her to run for President. Hearing voices notwithstanding, this crazy bitch actually felt the Lord was speaking through her husband when he told her to go into Tax Law and said, “Why should I go and do something like that? But the Lord says, ‘Be submissive wives; you are to be submissive to your husbands.” If she wanted to be President, and yet was submissive as the Lord commanded, wouldn’t her husband really be running the country? Oh, wait, I’m sorry, that’s logic and people don’t use that anymore like Latin or spell check.

Sure, I can make fun of the hair helmet for more than a few months’ worth of posts but what really chapped my ass recently is the conversation about abortion and women. For the last few years, Republicans have decided that, probably based on Palin and Bachman, women are too stupid or devious to decide about their own medical care or bodies. From the likes of assholes from the past like Claytie Williams who, during a campaign speech to be governor of Texas in 1990 compared rape to the weather, saying, “As long as it’s inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it.”  Or Rick Santorum saying this year, “”The right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you.” Of course, we remember Ken Buck who referred to a case of date rape as “buyer’s remorse”. And just a few months ago Chuck Winder, the Idaho Senate Majority Leader, stated, “I would hope that when a woman goes in to a physician with a rape issue, that physician will indeed ask her about perhaps her marriage, was this pregnancy caused by normal relations in a marriage or was it truly caused by a rape. I assume that’s part of the counseling that goes on.”

But the coup de grâce has to be Republican Todd Akin who in an apparent episode of verbal diarrhea shared his real feelings about women who are “raped” and subsequently become pregnant. He stated: “It seems to me first of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” In other words, if you happen to get pregnant after rape, it really wasn’t a real rape; just a pretend rape. Sure, in his paltry defense, he stated he “misspoke” and that he as “deep empathy” for rape victims. He also went so far to say that he was medically wrong but added that he still is Pro-Life and a “defender of the defenseless” all while spouting how rape is a horrible thing.

Mr. Akin, if you truly understood rape you would be defending the defenseless. You would fight for these women and men who are victimized so heinously and robbed of their dignity and any sense of safety. Your original statement shows a deep sense of misogyny and a distrust that makes me wonder if you have ever been caught in a “no means yes” situation. Or perhaps, since you are dickless and gutless, you just rather assault women with words and legislation.  Forgive me, I misspoke? Is this the new “just kidding”?

If you misspoke, Mr. Akin, then explain how you and now Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan co-sponsored House Resolution 5939 in 2010 which sought to stop funding abortions except in cases of “forcible rape”. In other words, unless the rapist broke a woman’s jaw or cut her up, the abortion would not be covered by Medicaid. The real meaning of this ridiculous legislation was that rape through coercion, drugs and manipulation like incest/molestation, were not true rapes. “Lay back and enjoy it”.

So, no, Mr. Akin, you did not misspeak. You were shocked that the rest of the country was not as brainless or heartless as you. You were shocked that instead of applause you received a gasp even from your own party. You were dismayed that your brotherhood of Republicans left you hanging in the wind with your limp dick in your hand. And finally, Mr. Akin, you were shocked that women, even your supporters will make damn sure you do not win your election in November.

And due to the amazing amounts of stuff on this very topic, CoupleDumb will continue to attack… so sorry, we misspoke …. Editorialize on this topic next week. Ah, the benefits of having a platform!

Mar 282012

Real Relationship Advice

womens rights 2 300x199 Womens Rights or Leave My Vagina Alone

I have tried to stay Zen and maintain my chakras open and love every creature on this earth but sometimes people do some stupid shit that just makes me say, ‘What the fuck?!’

Lately, almost as if they are trying to incite a riot, politicians are doing some seriously stupid things that just get my dander up, panties in a twist and generally piss me off. The biggest culprits of these stupid bombs have to be white, middle aged men who have decided that they know what is best for women. One of my favorite moves was Congressman Issa’s congressional hearing to oppose President Obama’s birth control coverage plan. He got together 10 witnesses and not one of them owned a vagina themselves. Sure, they may grab their mate’s vagina and say Neanderthalic things like ‘this pussy is mine’ but that does not mean they understand the experience of having one. I would ask Congressman Issa this: ‘Do you really think a man knows more about a woman’s need for birth control?’ If I’m not mistaken, men insisted for years that PMS was a myth and it wasn’t until women entered the Gynecological field that they began to address PMS as a real condition that could be very serious.

You know what Congressman Issa, don’t answer that. You know it will get you into trouble and I already think you’re an asshole anyways. But, you are small potatoes. You should take classes from the State Senators around this great nation introducing bills to make it the law that all women seeking an abortion get a transvaginal ultrasound. Yeah, those guys are really special, if special means sadistic, Hannibal Lecters sitting in a small room with no windows, coming up with innovative ways to make women chattel before the Mayan Apocalypse. Men like Idaho State Sen. Chuck Winder (R-Boise) and Alabama  State Sen. Clay Scofield  have introduced bills requiring that women get probed like some bad sci-fi movie with aliens. My favorite has to be Illinois House Agriculture Committee. They created the ‘Ultrasound Opportunity Act’ which requires a doctor to show the woman the ultrasound (yes, she can refuse it but cheeses on a cracker, why not just beat her with a stick!).

Just so we are clear, a transvaginal ultrasound is performed with a ‘wand’ that looks a whole lot like a G-spot vibrator and it is wielded around in your lady business by a disaffected middle aged woman who took ultra sound courses in night school while working as a waitress and it is sheathed in a condom and wiggled around until they can find something the size of a pea inside your womb. The best views occur when they press it against your vaginal walls. Yeah, doesn’t that sound fun?

Here’s the thing, I want all of you Pro-life people to gather round and take a fucking seat. There is a fundamental problem with the debate here and CoupleDumb is here to clear it up. First, people who are Pro-choice are not pro-abortion. In general, Pro-choice people are not handing out wire hanger favors and punch-cards that give you a free snow cone with your 5th abortion. The reason most of us are Pro-choice is because, ultimately, what you do with your body is your choice. We respect that and hope you respect our right to choose for ourselves. Shitting on my right to choose is downright Un-American! We choose to trust the woman in making her own choice based on her circumstances and not on some rich, middle aged white man’s judgment who’s rudimentary understanding of how these things work is based on some inflammatory sermon they heard in church and not on the Constitution of the United States!

We do want to give a shout out to Pennsylvania State Senator Larry Farnese who is introducing legislation that requires men to get prostate exams, sex therapy and cardiac stress test before being prescribed erectile dysfunction drugs. Brilliant sir, we salute you!

Listen, I say live and let live. I say, deep breaths and move on. I want to stay on that mountain top contemplating the sound of the beating of a butterfly’s wings. And trust us, I won’t do another ‘what the fuck’ if they promise to stay out of my cooter.

Mar 262012

Real Relationship Advice

starbucks 300x199 We Will Not Boycott Starbucks

The National Organization of Marriage is calling for a boycott of Starbucks. They are reacting to the following memorandum according to their boycott website:  ‘On January 12th, 2012, Starbucks issued a memorandum declaring that same-sex marriage ‘is core to who we are and what we value as a company.’ The funny part is that that isn’t really the full quote from the memo. Are you surprised? What Starbucks actually said in the memo was, ‘This important legislation is aligned with Starbucks business practices and upholds our belief in the equal treatment of partners. It is core to who we are and what we value as a company.’ The legislation they refer to is the Washington State legislation to recognize marriage equality for same sex-couples. So where is the WTF about this? I know fish got to swim and bigots need to get pissed at big corporations that give credence to the need for equality.

The WTF comes from this: nothing is more important to the silent majority than our coffee. We would sell our children for a good cup of coffee. We would walk on glass for our java. We would provide sexual favors to a master barista for a good cup of Joe.  NOM’s call for a boycott on one of our major suppliers is tantamount to declaring war on all of us. Are we going to let these narrow-minded, uptight, kyriocentric assholes take our coffee away? Are we going to keep our mouth shut while these hypocritical, prejudiced, ignorant, homophobes picket, disparage our pushers? I say HELL NO! Mama needs her Venti, Non-Fat, Latte with one raw sugar and I will be damned if these love and coffee hating people will take it away from me.

You see the problem is that we have been too quiet. We see these assholes campaigning for Santorum and deriding our beloved Starbucks and we laugh. We think, ‘Nothing will come of this’, but the reality is that all of this affects the world.  We figure these whackos have no traction. We figure who the fuck is going to be OK with shutting down Starbucks; they don’t need my voice among the millions of others. But, the truth is, we do.

Starbucks stood up for equality and these assholes are pissed about it. They talk about people imposing legislation for same sex marriage. Impose is a weird word. You see as a normal human being who believes in equality in every aspect of life, I don’t believe marriage equality would be imposed on me. They won’t come into my house and remove my husband and trade him in for a swarthy, Latin lady who will call me Mami and Paul won’t be paired with a twink named Blake with a tongue and eyebrow piercing. Allowing same sex marriage won’t affect my marriage in the least. No one will be imposing anything on me. It kind of makes me think that these closeted freaks may not be fantasizing about being ‘imposed’ while bent over.

The reality is if these fuckers manage to get any traction on their Starbucks boycott, they will be imposing on my ability to procure my espresso. If these guys rally the vocal minority we could be seeing some difficulty in getting your Mocha Frappuccino in the afternoon. Now that would be an imposition.

The words they use show such an incredible lack of understanding and delusional position when it comes to the fundamental aspects of marriage. I feel that when a couple marries to divorce a few months later, that affects the sanctity of marriage. When a normal course of antibiotics is longer than your average marriage, that affects the sanctity of marriage. When people talk about marriage being between a man and a woman and anything else is an abomination, that affects the sanctity of marriage. Marriage is a contract based on a commitment that comes from love. Entering into it because Mommy said so or for financial gain or to increase the power of a business/government affects the sanctity of a marriage. All of these are good things to rile against. A marriage based on love, mutual respect and a commitment to the needs, dreams and desires of your partner should be celebrated regardless of the composition of gender of the partners.

I stand with Starbucks. I will buy my coffee from them. I will procure my marble loaf and ask for an extra shot for good measure. I applaud their position on respecting partners. I would be totally OK if NOM boycotted liver. For that I will shut my mouth and look on from the sidelines.

Oct 012010

No Cure Except for Ignorance Homophobia Hate Gay Suicides

          I am in love. I have loved the same person for more than 20 years. I fell in love after only a few short weeks of courting. In the last 20 years, my love has grown and we have shared that by starting a family. We have a home, a good support system and participate in our community. Now here is the question: Does it matter at this point whether the person I love is a man or a woman?

          We decided to take a second and write something concerning the terrible rash of suicides committed by gay teens after being bullied. We have several very close friends who are gay and the idea of someone pushing them around because they are who they are just boils our blood. Unfortunately, this is normal for the GLBT community. One our friends just posted a status saying that every gay person has a ‘horror story’. Does that make anybody else angry? How many people have to get hurt or die for people to notice? Should it even matter that they are GLBT? We don’t think so.

          These are hate crimes. Picking on a person because they are different is a hate crime. When Nazi’s burn down a synagogue, we easily identify this as a hate crime. When a group of rednecks beat up a black man and drag him behind a car, we easily identify this as a hate crime. When you single out a person, group or religion because they are different from you and subject them to abuse, that is a hate crime.

          One of the reasons we are having any issue with charging children for bullying other children because they are gay is because too many adults have done this in their youth. One of the reasons we have difficulty calling this a hate crime is because, up until the other day, we were using the f word and referring to something as ‘gay’ when it was stupid. One of the reasons we have difficulty calling this a hate crime is because we buy into this concept that we have freedom of speech and stating your dislike for a homosexual is your right.

          If we were honest with ourselves, we would be locking up every gay-bashing homophobe in the country. If we were honest with ourselves as a nation, we would start the homophobe round up with jerks like National Organization for Marriage (NOM) and arrest every one of them. If we were honest, we would see that being anti-gay isn’t like being a democrat or a republican. If we were honest, we would see that you would have to be a masochist to choose to be gay in this schizoid climate of acceptance and intolerance.

          Things are coming to a head. All must reach the point of a revolution to effect a radical change. This is not only a change of laws but also a change to the zeitgeist. We must become intolerant of intolerance. We must see organizations like NOM as nothing more than hate spewing fronts for fearful people who still throw rocks at the sun and try to run from their own shadows. And when this revolution happens and equality is finally won, then we can begin to teach acceptance. Then we can teach our children that there is never a reason to tease another child. It is unacceptable regardless of the beliefs they are taught. Then, teens like Seth, Asher, Billy and Tyler will rest in peace, free from the bullies and hateful society that would never allow them a normal life.