Celebrity Smackdown: Celebs who cannot keep it in their pants

The history of this blog is short. We began in January of 2009. We write about relationships. Once a week, we give a celebrity a sound and snarky beating. We have been lax on the last one. However, with the topic this week being infidelity, we think we can safely tread these waters again without jeopardizing any karma points. Come on, this is like blowing up fish in a barrel. In other words, where’s the challenge?

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Celebrity Smackdown: TV Families

We are constantly evolving. As a species, we have increased our intelligence, expanded our ability to multitask and developed our understanding of the universe and ourselves. Anyone who doesn’t believe in the theory of evolution cannot argue that things have changed and your kids ability to manipulate electronics is something akin to a savant next to how you fumbled and cursed your way through the learning curve. Our kids will never say they are not into electronics because they have evolved. But, what the hell does this have to do with what do you do when your family and friends are more f’d up then you? And, how is this going to be a celebrity smack down?

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Celebrity Smackdown: Most of the US

Remember the days of yore when we would smack down a celebrity at least once a week? Remember when we were allowed to rant and literarily assault pseudo famous people if they fell within the parameters of our chosen weekly theme? We do. But we’re different now. We are a kinder gentler CoupleDumb. It also doesn’t help the situation that the same celebrity douches keep doing the same things thus making the smacking quite redundant. This week though, we are trying something new. Today we are returning to smacking with one exception.

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WTF of the Week: Do as I say…

Today is Wednesday where I usually get to smackdown a celeb. But today is a little different because it feels more like a WTF than a smack down. Oh my WTF’s, how I’ve missed you. I have been on a spiritual quest and I have been holding in my judgments like a constipated pregnant woman. Pain in my gut and a general malaise has forced me to break my silence and vow of zen-ness. And what, pray tell would get me to avert my eyes from Nirvana? Why the hypocrisy and mendacity of the world. Like Big Daddy and Brick (it’s Oscars-time and a great movie reference was a must), I must rage against the disgust!

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Celebrity Smackdown: Jersey Shore

Celebrity Smackdown is our commitment to our audience. We believe that people can be happy and have fulfilling relationships. However, on a constant basis, we are bombarded with images that corrupt our sensibilities and warp our understanding of human connections. Nowhere do we see the disparity between a celebrity and a regular person than in our core values. Where ordinary Joe’s have core values of honesty, family and education, your everyday celebrity that spends their time figuring out how to get their picture taken values attention, spectacle and getting things the easy way. Does that affect us? You bet your ass it does.

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Celebrity Smackdown: Starting Over ft. Brad Pitt

Celebrities and relationships are a curious match. On the one hand, you have the perpetual playboys who would rather gnaw off their arm than commit to a relationship. On the other hand, you have those who have time-shares in Vegas Chapels and commit like its last call. Celebrity relationships are such a warped representation of coupling and when those pairs implode, which they overwhelmingly do, we are left to watch them prowl as they pick up the pieces and start over. Today’s Celebrity Smackdown is all about Celebs starting over but, stand back, this will get messy.

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Celebrity Smackdown : Celeb Teens

We are half way through adolescent week and we can tell you, the second time through adolescence is so much easier. No zits. No parents to hassle us to wake up or clean up or shape up or get up or shut up or straighten up. We are trying to look back at this time with fondness and only finding that we were pains in the ass and our parents deserve an apology. Today, discussing adolescents is easy because we have a plethora of celebrity adolescents who rightly deserve a smackdown. So sit back, open a Dr. Pepper and Nacho Cheese Doritos and bean dip (Paul’s Junk of Choice when he was an adolescent).

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Celebrity Smackdown : Reality Wannabees

We tend to wake up extra early on Wednesdays. Maybe it’s the smell of fresh brewed coffee wafting over to our side of the villa or perhaps the chef has prepared fresh bread and home churned butter for our breakfast. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because we get to talk shit about celebrities. Since we make our own coffee and the chef is either one of us, the other two possibilities are not really viable. This week we are dissecting the effects of reality TV on relationships and today we will take a stab at Celebreality shows that show everyone the seedier and more grotesque side of celebrity.

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