And now…Dad Logic.

Reading Lee’s post yesterday on Mom Logic, it started us thinking of Dad logic. So, in an attempt at Lustitian balance, we would like to probe the depths of Dad logic, all 4 centimeters of them. If moms are mysterious then dads are obvious. Where moms live in the grey mystery of functional emotion, dads offer the black and white of day-to-day reality. Dads are the ‘pull my finger’ Confucius of the family to compliment the deep wisdoms offered by the momma.

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My M.O.M. Logic

There’s Mom logic? Are you kidding? I think most Moms operate on prayer, faith and good luck. But this question begs another question; where did anyone get the idea that there was some sort of logical process to being a mother? As I thought of this question, I realized as a Mom I have certain abilities that elude my husband. Aside from the awesome power of incubating life, giving birth after hours of pushing and still having the strength to hold the baby and do a cool imitation of Bessie the cow, women in general multitask on the order of a super computer. We are mothers, doctors, chefs, chauffeurs, managers, CFOs, CEOs, maids, therapists and if you are in a relationship you need to be a best friend and sex kitten. So how do we do it?

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Product nuisance

As we sit here trying to write while our 2 year old screeches ‘Mine, mine, mine!!!’ over and over again, it’s harder than you can imagine writing about kids and parenting without having thoughts of abuse or cardboard boxes with small air-holes. Lately, the job of daily writing has been doubly hard due to the added nuisance of having 2 young boys wedged firmly up our asses at all times. And, since they were both recently ill, their sleep schedules are all messed up so we can’t even be assuaged by the promise of peace at a certain time of the day. In a corporation, what are the principles to do when your products are interfering with the healthy functioning of the entity?

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We’re sending Ricky to Japan.

When it comes to instilling dreams in our children, it seems like a no-brainer. Every parent wants their child to have fantasies of a greater future full of excitement, love and joy. Even crack moms, with a pipe in one hand and a baby in the other, tell their children how great they can become. But to what end? Why do we fill our kid’s minds with fantasies that, statistically speaking, will never come true? Whose dreams are we giving them?

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Do demon spawns like fruit cups?

Tuesdays are reserved for kids. Specifically, we reserve it for our issues that we have with our kids. As our kids grow and mature, things come up. We work hard to keep ourselves in check and not let our neuroses affect our kids or mold them to be mini me’s of us. However, one thing that is our priority is maintaining the safety of our little ones. So, as we purge the experience that we had at the church, we must address our children or more specifically, Bobby.

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My kids speak english good

We often joke with people that we left our kids duct taped to the wall with a box of saltines on those rare occasions that we are seen out without them. People laugh and then get very serious when they figure that that would not be so farfetched. We know as parents, those crazy thoughts enter our heads and yet, love and guilt win out. We stay home, get a second on the house for a baby sitter or suck up to grandma one more time for a few hours of peace.

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I’m addicted to you. You’re addicted to me. We’re just one big addicted family.

Addictions. We use this word like a punch line, as if one addiction is better than another. As a parent, we need to be very aware that addiction has a very specific genetic component which, combined with socialization with your child, can create uber-addicts (pardon the lack of umlauts) with an addiction with the strength of an e-bola virus. Don’t fool yourself, your kids see what you’re doing and those little vices you have will have a vice grip on your kids in the future.

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