Safe and Loving Marriage

We often receive letters and emails asking us how to change certain behaviors and or if we think something is right or wrong (to settle a bet). Sometimes we receive a note telling us how someone feels in their relationship and, without getting to specific, how they feel that this is all there is. Those are the letters that fuel our desire to keep writing and sharing the message that ‘IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT!’

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When To Say No

Yesterday we spoke of challenging one another to grow and become better people. Today, in our series of what a healthy relationship should be, we are talking about ‘Yes men!’ This is really the second part of yesterday’s post. When we do not challenge our spouse/partner for fear of reprisal and loss of love, we fall into a very sick pattern. We begin to agree with them. Even when we know they are wrong, we agree with them. Even when we try to point out a possible flaw in their thinking or plans, we shrink from that challenge and agree with them. Being married to someone who agrees with you is a universe away from being married to someone who supports you.

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Now That You Can Marry, Should You?

Congratulations to all of our friends out there that have the right (or soon will have the right) to get married. As you know, CoupleDumb is a big proponent of happiness and we believe that everyone deserves the right to find their own joy. So go and get married. Have huge weddings, piss off in-laws, raise children and do all of the fun stuff that the hetero couples have been doing for years.

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The Honesty Question

It’s question week here at CoupleDumb and we are answering them all….relationships, parenting, sex and even the silly ones like why is it illegal to serve beer and pretzels in North Dakota. Send your questions!

Today’s question is sent to us by someone who signs their question- Just asking for a friend.

Is it possible to be 100 percent honest all the time and not hurt the other person’s feelings?

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Sex Is All In The Mind

The power of psychological foreplay can be seen everywhere. Psychological foreplay is visual, tactile and aural. It is your fantasy playing out in your head. It is the right words at the most inappropriate time. It is flustering your partner. When done right, psychological foreplay is the savior of any marriage. It constantly reminds the couples that, before the kids were around, this is how we spoke with each other. It brings the sexy back.

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Do It For Love

If you go to your local bookstore and look at the non-fiction stuff coming out, you’ll see a theme. We have created a whole new dynamic in relationship: DIY Love. All the books are about some insipid lessons on manipulative things you can do to trap a guy. It’s really sad. Most of these are written by single women. We aren’t disparaging the lot but we do find their product dilutes the real ‘How to’ books out there and provides false hope for those who buy them.

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Is That All There Is?

There are a few things that people can agree on: bacon is good, Robert Downey Jr. is awesome as Iron Man and we would all like to be happy. The first two are a certainty but would you be surprised to find out that happiness is not an ideal that people believe is attainable? Happiness is seen as the unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun holding a fairy. People don’t think it is possible. We strive for contentment or a state that is somewhere in between but most of our needs are sated. Being content is that feeling after watching your favorite TV show; you aren’t bouncing off the wall with glee but you are not sad either. In other words, you feel neutral.

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Good Internet Behavior

After a long week of rules, it would be nice to wake up to nastiness free internet. So sorry. It will take a little more time. The rules we have discussed this week are not an attempt to jump into a conversation but a methodically researched and discussed phenomenon. We impart these words based on our experience as therapists and business people. Our behavior on the internet is a manifestation of our psychological processes which are based on our experiences, traumas and understanding of the world around us. Our businesses are being directly affected by these behaviors whether it is us displaying AntiSocial Behavior or others who are attacking us.

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Being Mean On The Internet

Recently we were speaking at a conference and someone asked what we meant by AntiSocial Media. Aside from directing them to our posts on cyber bullying, we also made the following example: AntiSocial behavior would be if we were having a conversation at a restaurant and a stranger walked up to our table and, with raised voice, said ‘I don’t agree with you and I think you’re an idiot!’ The internet is not unlike that very same example. We have all experienced a Facebook status update that was usurped by someone who took offense to what we wrote. Perhaps it was written as an inside joke to a family member or friend. Perhaps it was based on a private matter and they felt the need to post a status update. Regardless of the context of the update, the comments are irrelevant to the situation and are abusive.

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Messing With Someones Livelihood Is Bad Karma

Some of us make our living on-line. Whether you are blogging, promoting a brand or your own products, your behavior on the internet directly effects your reputation and thus your business. If you look at the influence created on the internet, you can see that most people, whether they are their own brand or work for a brand, have their pocketbook directly connected to the internet. When we think about the internet not as a free-for-all slam session with no consequences and step back and see how it has permeated ever area of our lives, we can begin to understand the importance of etiquette on the net.

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