Mar 172014
 

A month ago, I lost my Mom. I had dealt with loss before. I had lost family members who I adored. I had lost best friends suddenly. I had experienced loss through the eyes of my clients and worked at being a source of support. I have been there for family and friends. I have read the books and articles concerning grief, complicated bereavement and can recite the stages from rote. I can honestly say that very little prepares you for loss other than one thing.

leeaidamari An Honest Approach To Grieving

There is only one thing that keeps you mentally healthy all the time. You will still feel the sadness and the pain of the loss. There is no avoiding those feelings. However, if you practice this one thing, you will navigate the grief better.

What’s the secret? HONESTY

One of the stages of grief, according to Kubler-Ross, is denial. You would need to be completely delusional to deny the death of someone. However, this denial is really based in a child-like disbelief based in hope. In the case of my own grief, I will admit to expecting her to enter a room or finding myself waiting for her call. The night she died, my father called me from her phone and I answered it nervously, expecting to hear her voice. When we continue to entertain this hope and not dispel them with rational thinking, we create a lie. In this case, being rational is staying within the honest reality. It is ultimately the saving grace to learning to live without this person.

Honesty also will save you from concocting a myth about the person you have lost. Many of my clients and some family fall into this trap of creating a fairy tale about the deceased. This is where the idea of ‘there are no bad dead people’ comes from. Everybody was a saint when they die. Obviously, this isn’t true about everyone. Denying that your parent was less than perfect is to deny your own trauma or pain from your childhood. By creating this mythical parent or loved one, you deny your own feelings. You are not allowing honest consideration of situations that led to trauma and pain. In my case, my Mom was not perfect. My Mom, up until I was in college, was a workaholic and had little time for kids. Only as I grew up and became an adult did she become a better Mom and a good friend (when I needed her to be).

Honesty also allows you to be real with how you feel. If the tears come up, you cry. If anger bubbles to the surface, you become angry. If the most you can muster during your grief is making a sandwich, then enjoy the sandwich. Be honest with where you are and how you feel. This will allow you to feel and be who you need to be.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my friends and family who have been so wonderfully supportive during this time.

Specifically, special shout out to my favorite sister-in-law in the whole wide world who has been a constant source of awesome. Mari, you are amazing and wonderful and beautiful and one of my favorite people on earth.

What’s the point of having a platform if you can’t talk about the people you love?

Mar 042014
 

Several people have expressed their concern regarding buying glasses online. They assume that discount glasses or cheap eyeglasses are codes for poor quality. We have been purchasing our glasses online for several years now and have tried many on-line companies. We will admit that we have had trouble in the past when buying glasses online and have returned glasses to have them redone. Without equivocation, my prescription sunglasses from GlassesUSA.com are the best on-line glasses I have ever purchased.

Glasses1 300x200 Pretty Glasses On My Face

The process to purchase your eyeglasses from GlassesUSA.com starts out like most on-line shopping experiences. They have a wide variety of sunglass styles for men and women ranging from very affordable to affordable. Their search functions help you narrow down your selection by providing filtering key words like frame style, shape and material. They carry several designer frames as well at prices more reasonable than your traditional style glasses store. The coolest feature you will find on the site is the new sharable Virtual Mirror feature. Here you can upload a picture and as you scroll through all of the glasses while the site displays your image wearing all of the glasses! That’s right, you get to try them on just like at a doctor’s office without ever leaving the comfort of your home. And, you can even get your friends to help you pick which ones look best on you because the images are sharable to Facebook!

glasses2 300x266 Pretty Glasses On My FaceGood eyeglasses should never be a luxury. My new prescription sunglasses from GlassesUSA.com are gorgeous and affordable. They have lots of great programs to make things even more affordable for all of us. Check out the following:glasses3 260x300 Pretty Glasses On My Face

  • The site offers Sales & Coupons all the time.
  • Because they are so awesome, they are offering our readers 10% off any order. At checkout, use the code : Blog10

If that isn’t enough to convince you that GlassesUSA.com has the highest quality frames and lenses for the best prices, they also provide:

  • 110% lowest price guarantee and a 100% satisfaction guarantee
  • A generous refer-a-friend program (You can get $30 for each first purchase a referred friend makes – and use the $30 towards your next pair of glasses)
  • Exclusive discounts for all their Facebook page and Twitter fans

We would like to thank GlassesUSA.com for asking us to review their site and the added discount to purchase classes. As always, all opinions are ours.

Feb 132014
 

I love George Takei, all the way back to his Sulu days. We have a vision board in our how and he is on it because he represents an ability to redefine and recreate one’s self. So when Free Birds started with his voice as Steve, I knew that I would like the movie.

free birds1 218x300 It Is Time To Free Birds

Free Birds, which features the voices of Owen Wilson, Woody Harrelson and Amy Poehler, chronicles the life of a smart turkey (among many not-so-smart turkeys) as he goes back in time to stop the culinary part of Thanksgiving. We were part of a Twitter party as we watched it. According to the comments, the premise seems to be a winner. George Takei voices the operating system for the time machine that the birds accidentally hijack.

We announced a giveaway of the BluRay pack. If you have not already entered, you only have a few days left. Go to this post and add a comment.

Deadline for entry is February 16, 2014.

The Blu-ray Exclusive Features:

  • Birds Flipping History
  • Animating Free Birds: The Main Course
  • Winging It: Animators in Action
  • Talking Turkey with Composer Dominic Lewis
  • Shake a Tail Feather
  • Theatrical Trailer
Feb 082014
 

We cannot talk about relationships without talking about prom. This is the testing ground for dating, love, and possibly heartbreak. In the Western world, we do not have rights of adulthood like they did in the old days. We do not send our boys out into the forest to see if they can survive and presenting our daughters as marring material is something of the past. Prom is a time to try out the big girl shoes, to dress up and be beautiful as an adult. It is our version of a rite of passage.

dress3 218x300 About Prom Dresses

Picking out a prom dress is where things get tricky. Besides the fact that they can be super expensive, there are a lot of criteria to hit. The dress needs to have a style that matches the young woman, it needs to be sophisticated enough to be adult, and it needs to be sensual without being sexy and killing dad. We have a tendency to default to the classics. We looked at www.jenjenhouse.com to get some ideas.

There is a reason that we chose this dress as our example. It is sensual without being slutty. The off-the-shoulder look is subtle, showing a little flesh without showing the wrong flesh. Also it does not have any ruffles. We are not fans of frills. When our daughter was choosing a prom dress, she would have killed us if we tried to put her under a bunch of layers of fluff.

One of the reasons that a classic dress almost always works is that these dresses are the model which we used to establish this prom ritual. If we see this as a rite then the classic dress is the ritualistic outfit. Tribespeople may paint the face of their soon to be adult. We put ours into dresses and tuxedos.

Jan 172014
 

            Addiction is many things. It is insidious and baffling and destructive. As an addiction professional, I have noticed trends that are quite disturbing. The rise in social drinking is astonishing. Dealing with stress with a “glass of wine” or a cocktail is nothing new but the acceptability of daily usage is far greater than it used to be. To be clear, social drinking is not the issue. The issue comes from using alcohol as a means of dealing with stress instead of actually addressing the stressor. The insidious nature of addiction will have you believing that a little glass of wine or two or three is not a big deal. When you depend on that glass of wine as your only relief from the onslaught of life, then we are in the world of addiction.

admissions img 300x152 Advanced Health and Education

Treatment centers that cater to the needs of all forms of addiction are available but not all treatment is created equally. We need to become smarter consumers when it comes to choosing our treatment facilities. For example, New Jersey addiction treatment centers can vary widely. There are N.J. prescription drug abuse treatment centers that deal specifically with that type of addiction and several New Jersey alcohol treatment centers. The importance of asking the right questions when choosing the appropriate treatment for yourself or loved one is in asking the right questions.

NIDA, the National Institute of Drug Abuse, suggests that you ask certain questions deciding on a treatment facility. In following with our original example, ask if the N.J. drug treatment center is using a scientifically established treatment modality. What if you have issues with more than one substance? Does the N.J. drug and alcohol treatment center also address prescription drugs? How long is treatment and will that be enough time to deal with any issue that may arise? What kind of aftercare program do they offer and is a 12 step offered within the program?

Another valuable resource if you are looking for a treatment center is the Advanced Health and Education. There site has lots of resources and information on addiction as well as providing different level of addiction treatment at their facility in New Jersey. An added benefit to this facility is that in their New Jersey Alcohol Treatment Centers, they include alcohol detox along with several other detox facilities.

Addiction is many things. With the help of trained professionals, you can be educated and armed with information to deal with this difficult issue.

For more information on addiction and treatment centers, go to:

NIDA http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/seeking-drug-abuse-treatment