Do you get upset if things turn out differently than you imagined? Do you hate change or balk at the mention of rescheduling? If so, you need help. Getting that control freak under control (pardon me) is the first step to living a healthier and happier life. You need to get some of the beliefs you have about control busted before you can start to heal. For example-
- Control does not equal happy
Happy is messy. Happy is care free. Control does not allow for that. When we need to control our environment and feel anxious when things are not in control that is not an environment for feeling good about yourself or your life.
- Control is not safety/security
Nope. It isn’t. It is an illusion. Control is a closer cousin to being obsessive compulsive. ‘If I do this then I will be safe’. Anything can happen and the slightest breeze can topple that belief in a second.
- If I control the relationship, it will be successful.
Nope. See #2.
- Control is the only way to achieve perfection.
Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahaaha. Seriously, no!
- Control is not a bad thing
Actually, it is. It is a belief that will make it impossible for you to surrender and relax. If you must maintain control of your life then you are constantly battling life! We can be responsible for our lives and do what needs to be done to create a semblance of security but in the end, we must relinquish this idea that ‘we got this’ because it is not real.
What do you do about it? How do you go from control freak to relaxed and happy?
Let it go!
Before you break out in song, think about all the things that you are holding onto tightly with both hands, white knuckling it all the way. Perhaps you are holding on to this fantasy that things will go exactly as planned. Perhaps you think your kids will be perfect in school and life. The moment you hold out the hope of perfection, life will remind you that perfection is silly.
You are perfectly flawed.
Some of our ‘flaws’ are what make us unique and awesome. Embrace those imperfections!
Expect things to go wrong
When things go awry, that is the fodder of a good story and an amazing memory. You hardly will ever recount a perfect experience. You are more likely to tell the whacky story or the time when things went completely wrong. When this happens, life is not routine and it becomes an adventure!
Write your plans in pencil
Always be willing to shift on a moment’s notice. Your flight is delayed? Let’s explore the airport! You get stuck in traffic? Let’s sing really loud! It starts raining when you planned a picnic? Living room picnic!!
Life will throw you curve-balls and you need to be able to learn which pitches to take. Sometimes, a walk is as good as a hit. In less metaphorical terms, sometimes life gives us what we need, not what we want. Trust.