Faith Rape

We have been virtually silent since the election regarding the politics of today. The lead up to the election had us writing non-stop for CoupleDumb and other sites regarding our own political beliefs and what we saw was happening to the very fabric of our society. This week, we break our silence for just a bit to share with you some of our realizations and especially our new vocabulary that we use to describe some of the things that have happened to us and, pretty sure, happened to many of you out there as well. We hope that Webster places it in next year’s dictionary or, at the very least, it is picked up by Urban Dictionary. We figure if literally can be made to mean metaphorically, we have a chance. Please, take these terms, use them in good health and try to maintain a sense of humor as some people try to tear down the world around us.

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Women Who Cheat

Infidelity is an issue that affects many relationships. It is a symptom; not the actual problem. Many couples want to focus on the cheating and then are surprised when they get to couples counseling and the therapist wants to talk about their relationship. Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum. We wrote about men cheating last week and this week we promised to discuss women who cheat, and no, this not a repeat of last week. For all the reports of women ‘catching up’ to men, when it comes to sex and cheating, infidelity is never ‘just about the sex’.

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A Psychotherapist’s Take On Slut Shaming

Sometimes we have to leave our mountain top and dwell among the masses. Especially when social media blows up about a post written by a Mom regarding the girls who were showing up on her son’s news feed. The girls, apparently, were taking selfies sans support undergarments, in their bedrooms, in provocative poses and pajamas. The Mom, in an apparent attempt to do what the Moms of those girls had not done, tried to explain why girls shouldn’t post selfies that showed them in towels or as hot to trot. Now, the letter, in our humble opinion, was tame. She never used any defamatory verbiage when referring to these girls and even coached them to remove said pics. The ugly words came when social media tagged her post as another example of “slut shaming”. Here we need to point out that the first time the word “slut” came up was from the critics of this Mom. So, who is really doing the shaming here?

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Infidelity Week

We recently wrote about being a mistress and there were some interesting comments. Some put the blame solely on the man. The reasoning was that the men were the ones with the commitment thus they were the ones breaking their word. Others could not see how a mistress could be at fault for infidelity while others just wanted to bash cheaters and those who support that behavior. All CoupleDumb can say to all of those who commented is, ‘Did you actually read the posts?’ We did not condone infidelity nor did we promote being a mistress. Instead what we said was that being a mistress is a shitty job and you deserve better. This week we will discuss the men who cheat- the whys, the whats and the hows.

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The Mistress Mindset

In the year of our Lord, 1983, one muggy August morning in Los Angeles, I began my first day in college with a class followed by meeting my new boss in the Bursars office. Work study was a godsend. I could go to school and still have some money for gas and fun. My supervisor was Connie F. and she was the big boss in the loan department. She was impeccably dressed and her makeup was probably better suited for evenings. Connie was perfect for her job because she had several OCD qualities. Her directions were to be followed to the letter. If I was going to file something, it had to first be alphabetized with her flappy alphabetizing thingy and then it could go in the file. Since I was a good worker bee, she decided to share her philosophy of life and give me advice. Her sage words were to be a mistress and let some man take care of me.

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Catfishing – The Kind That Needs A Computer

We usually don’t watch a lot of reality TV when we are home. The extent of our viewing of this type of programming is “So you think you can dance” because it’s low on drama and high on pretty. However, when we are in a hotel and our choices become limited, we allow some of the horrors of reality TV to seep into our visual field. One such program that caught our attention like rubber necking a highway accident was MTV’s “Catfishing”. As relationship experts, we knew this stuff was happening but to see the people who get hurt and the perpetrators get caught brought a whole new element to this heinous practice.

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A Healthy Marriage Challenge

Why does a person grow and mature? Is it time? Is it just the normal developmental pattern of a human being? You have met many adults that could use some maturity and we are sure you have met some young people who have the old soul and an understanding of life that age could not account for. The answer to what makes us grow is simply – life and the choices we make. Life is a complicated, messy, beautiful thing filled with pain and tears and laughter and love. Life ‘lifes’ at us and we choose to grow or avoid the prospect of change. This week we are talking about what a marriage should do for you and today we are talking about challenges and the decisions we make.

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What If We Never Met?

One of the questions that has kept us up lately is, ‘What would our lives have been like had we never met each other?’ The question did not arise from a woebegone feeling from lamenting our lost youth but more of a surprise as to how our relationship has changed us. CoupleDumb has worked very hard to explain and teach the general public on how to live better lives and love being in a relationship. And the reality is that a relationship is a vehicle for growth and if you aren’t growing then you are with the wrong person.

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