Babies, Babies, Babies

Real Relationship Advice

Yes, we kept her in the microwave. Is that bad?

In honor of our oldest baby turning 20 today (yes, we know it is hard to believe that we have a 20 year old daughter), we are dedicating this week to babies! Yes, our baby making days are over but our memories are still good enough to remember the fear, excitement, terror, disgust, anticipation, yearning and all the other things associated with babies. We will start with our baby resume:

1. Sometimes good people can’t make babies.

More and more couples are discovering that they are unable to conceive. They attribute this to women deciding to put off making babies due to careers and the burgeoning field of infertility treatment that has made formerly childless couples happy families. We were one of those infertile couples. We went through a few years of treatments which also afforded us the wonderful experience of witnessing high fevers which elicited hallucinations, horrible cramping, bleeding that resembled a crime scene and temporary blindness. The fun! We feel for every couple who has gone through this and for those who will endure this in the future.

2. Sometimes babies are picked up.

Infertility treatments did not work for us. Why? We stopped. Paul figured he would rather have me alive than continue to try for a child through treatments that were devastating to my health. We had always spoken of having two kids and adopting one. Paul was the genius who said, “why not adopt first?” And we did. The result? The birthday girl, herself! Our daughter has taught us more about patience and our own unlimited potential than anything else in life. Adoption is not for everyone. People are stupid. People will say stupid things to you and your child. If we had reacted to every stupid comment over the last 20 years, we would probably be locked up somewhere.

3. Sometimes you never know when you are done having babies.

When our daughter was already 10 years old, we found out we were pregnant. I didn’t believe it, and took 6 pee sticks and a blood test to prove it to me. My pregnancy was complication free. It was easy. I was walking 2 to 3 miles a day up until the day before I was admitted to the hospital. I was terrified throughout the pregnancy since I had no idea how it had come to pass that I was with child. Yes, I realize how babies were made but, trust me when I say, we had done that a bajillion times and it had not worked before. This fear transferred to my body in such a way that my cervix was so hard that they had to soften it so that he could be born. I was holding him in so tight that I hardened my cervix?!?!? I also notice he tends to be more fearful than the other kids.

4. Miscarriages are a severe loss. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

One year after he was born I was pregnant again. It was during a routine ultrasound at 8 weeks that I found out that the baby had no heartbeat. Even if you know you are pregnant for a moment, there is emotional pain.

5. Old women can have babies, too!

When I was pregnant the first time, I was 37 and had him the day before my 38th birthday. I had my last baby at 41. I will be honest, the fear was gone but the last pregnancy was so uncomfortable. His birth was easier. I was calmer. But the 9 months prior to that were icky.

So yeah, we can talk about babies. We have done it all. Amnio, CVS, adoption, infertility, bed rest, epidurals, special needs, reflux, colic….yeah, all of it.

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