Cheating, Facebook And The Virtual Relationship

We can’t lie- we love Facebook. We have made friends, reconnected with old friends and kept in touch with loved ones from all over. Facebook has allowed people to heal old wounds, create a lot of new ones and create a community of support that rivals Hands Across America. Where else can you get 100 prayers in less than a minute? At the same time, we have all experienced trolls and flamers who have tried to make our lives miserable. And yet, many other people have taken these virtual relationships to another level.

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The Rescuer

A rescuer is a person who runs in to save the day. A rescuer sees, what they deem to be, injustice and is compelled to step in a take care of the victim and vanquish the persecutor. Many times they are caught in the cross-fire and end up getting hurt. The persecutor turns their attention on them or, most likely, the victim tired of being thought of as useless, turns and persecutes the rescuer. The rescuer thinks they are healthy. They think they are handling themselves so well that they can take on other people’s lives as well. They look down on the victim with pity and with the belief that they cannot handle their own problems. The rescuer becomes a victim when the victim turns on them, saying things like ‘Why me? I do so much for them!’ The rescuer also attacks the persecutor.

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The Relationship Without Harm

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be the child of a therapist? My parents were wonderful but the lessons they imparted regarding interpersonal relationships was lacking…what’s the word…healthy communication, love and compassion. I decided when my daughter was little that I would not pass those sick nuggets along to my kids and would practice what I preach. My kids do not get a sugar coated cliché riddled sermon. They get the facts. They get the ‘whys’ followed by the ‘why nots’. A good example was to explain the most important rule of interpersonal relationships:

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A Honest Relationship

Interpersonal Relationships are not taught in school. Schools are usually a petri dish of dysfunction and, as the adults, we feel like this is a rite of passage. When our kids experience rejection and the backlash of pettiness with a smothering of cruelty, we remind them that this is a temporary situation and everyone will grow out of it. What we don’t realize is that these formative years are also teaching our kids how to behave in relationships. So what should we be teaching them?

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The Considerate Relationship

Why is it that we spend so many years in school and never learn the skills to developing successful interpersonal relationships? Instead of teaching kids how to behave in relationships, they learn dysfunction social skills. Cliques, bullying and gossip are the foundational skills to most of our social education. When we consider that most of us began dating and experiencing love while in our adolescents, there should be no wonder we behave with this much dysfunction. It is up to us, then, to teach our kids about interpersonal relationships and this week we will give you a few lessons that may help.

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The Victimization Felony

This week we are jumping back into the dysfunctional relationship pool and discussing the common ‘relationship crimes’ people commit to destroy and undermine their relationships. Today’s Relationship Felony is very common and usually has its roots in your family of origin. Lots of kids are being raised by parents who do this and regard this behavior as normal. Statistically, they would be right. Lots of people go around life like victims and this way of thinking is seen in everything from the music we hear to the movies we watch. Heck, even politicians ‘apologize’ by crying about being victimized.

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