Madonna and safety in the same sentence without the words ‘dental dam’.

When we discuss our Celebrity Smackdowns at our daily meeting (which consists of us drinking coffee and waiting for Ricky to go watch Mickey Mouse Club House to dance his favorite jam so we can talk in peace for about 24 seconds), we often have difficulty honing in on a celebrity that fits the weeks topic. This week, since our topic was safety, we thought we would discuss the Shamwow guy, Vince Schlomi who beat up a hooker in Miami because she bit his tongue and wouldn’t let go. That one seemed an obvious choice. But was it the right choice?

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My kids speak english good

We often joke with people that we left our kids duct taped to the wall with a box of saltines on those rare occasions that we are seen out without them. People laugh and then get very serious when they figure that that would not be so farfetched. We know as parents, those crazy thoughts enter our heads and yet, love and guilt win out. We stay home, get a second on the house for a baby sitter or suck up to grandma one more time for a few hours of peace.

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Safety Dance

Good Monday Readers! We hope you had a great weekend. It seems we have just had the longest winter on record because being outside seems so weird and foreign to everyone. This must be what Punxsutawney Phil feels like when they pull his furry ass out of his tree every year and hold him up for every asshole who thinks it’s cool to get up at 4:30 am in frigid temperatures to watch a rodent predict the weather. Sorry, some times the references are just for us. You see, we don’t do sun and we live in Miami. We know. We ask ourselves this question all the time. The truth is we are here because 14 years ago we couldn’t afford a house in Los Angeles, our home town. Also, we became parents after the riots. Let’s just say, L.A. didn’t seem all that friendly after watching the glowing skies and seeing people carry sofas out of storefronts on TV.

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Reader’s Comment: Lee too nice to Men

One of our loyal readers complained that we were being too lenient with men and said that we were ‘too soft on them because of your low expectations’. More specifically, she believed Lee was too easy on them. Because we have not reached a level of fame to ignore the opportunity to suck up to someone, we will revisit the subject of Men and Lee will be allowed to let loose on the male of the species.

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Are you a Jedi or are you a Sith?

Since this week’s topic is woman, Lee and I thought that I should take the lead on today’s post. The problem is that I like women. I’m one of those odd men that find women fascinating, intriguing and enticing. I like the way they feel. I like the way they think. I like the way they move through the universe, like a potpourri scented battering ram. Women, for me, are pretty cool.

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Kim’s getting married. Husband: optional.

The vexatious contradiction is the hallmark of a good woman. They can be beguiling and in the same breath cut your heart out. That is the true beauty of a woman. We are the thorny rose! However, sometimes women come around and mess up our flow. Sometimes women do stupid things that make the rest of us beauties look bad. They operate as stereotypes; the most vapid of clichés. This weeks Celebrity Smackdown almost makes me feel dirty even mentioning her. I place her in the category of celebrity but for the life of me I don’t know how or why she is considered to be one. Of course, I am speaking of Kim Kardashian.

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