And now…Dad Logic.
Reading Lee’s post yesterday on Mom Logic, it started us thinking of Dad logic. So, in an attempt at Lustitian balance, we would like to probe the depths of Dad logic, all 4 centimeters of them. If moms are mysterious then dads are obvious. Where moms live in the grey mystery of functional emotion, dads offer the black and white of day-to-day reality. Dads are the ‘pull my finger’ Confucius of the family to compliment the deep wisdoms offered by the momma.
Paul says: As my daughter gets older, a fact that I firmly ignore, the topic of sexuality has arisen. Arisen might not be the correct word. The topic of sex was thrust on me like a sniper’s bullet snapping my head back and to the left, back and to the left. My contribution to the conversation was to say no over and over again. If a daughter asks when is the right time to have sex, a father’s response is never. Sometimes we just clutch our chests or cry, but the communication is still the same. From there, mom can speak of love and ‘the right time’ and healthy relationship.
Or, at least, that is the goal. Please understand that I am not talking about health or unhealthy because, let’s be honest, moms and dads say a lot of stupid shit in equal proportions. In our household, I set boundaries and please understand that boundaries are not the same as discipline. There are many families were the mom is the disciplinarian but even in these the dad often sets the boundaries. We use definitives like always, never, and ‘if you go away to college, I will die’. And yes, sometimes they are stupid, unhealthy or simply f’d up boundaries but boundaries none the less. Other times, they are not. ‘Don’t do drugs’ and ‘Walk it off’ are determinate statements also.
Where my wife has magical healing abilities, I am the coroner and priest. When we came home one weekend to find that our dog had spent the day sucking on a poisonous frog, it was dad that sent Matt to heaven via a trash bag and shovel. God picks up on Monday and Thursday. Mom is like Lady Galadriel, the Elven witch queen in Lord of the Rings, where dad is more the Fox from Pulp Fiction. With the passing of Matt, mom spoke of the mysteries of God and His love for Matt. Dad was making sure there were no maggots in the yard.
One other thing that I have to list in my Dad logic column is an Alzheimer-like ability to forget and stay locked in a happy delusional past. Unlike mom, who has access to ancestral memories that go back to antiquity, dad avoids the complexity of causality. It is our own form of Occam’s razor. The simplest way around a problem is to forget it entirely. When I look at my daughter, I do not see the angst ridden, love obsessed girl that my wife does but the innocent baby that slept peacefully on my lap. I know that sometimes that logic is useless but other times it makes me safe, like the big Golden Retriever that just wants to know that everyone is home and happy.
So, as a synopsis, my Dad logic is to be a big oblivious lap dog that throws death in a trash can and barks a lot. Yep, that works for me.
Lee says: I have a question ladies; how the hell can you think men are complicated? My husband, with his impressive degree in Astrophysics describes himself as a big fluffy dog. Feed them, give them a place to sleep and pet them (preferably 2 times a week) and they are happy.
As for Dad logic, it always astounds me that such an intelligent man can be so obtuse when he parents. But even in his simplicity, it brings the family a sense of comfort and consistency. I will do my part in sharing the mysteries of life, death and love while he deals with the realities of death and carnage of life. I get to overcome my fear of my little girl becoming a woman while he can still pretend she is wearing a onesie and puking on his shoulder. It’s a good balance and I don’t need to take out the trash.