An Open Letter To Dr. Laura



          Today I will dispense with the opening paragraph routine and just start since this topic deserves as many words as I can write. First, I will start with a question. Why don’t people listen to me? I mean, I don’t think I know everything and I don’t think that my soapbox ranting is tantamount to burning bush level and I don’t think that people should shave their heads and follow every word I say, but…. you have to admit, sometimes I am right on the money.


          A year ago I wrote about Dr. Laura. A year ago I said she was a hypocrite. Last year I said that she holds everyone to this impossible standard of living that she doesn’t even attempt to live by. I said that she is a ‘do as I say not as I do’ kind of person. I said that if she said to me ‘don’t do anything I wouldn’t do’ I may end up with three hookers, a donkey, a bag of smack and an orthodontist in a seedy motel room. O.K., I really didn’t write that but I am sure I thought it back then. What I am saying is, I told you so!


          Now, poor, poor, Dr. Laura is upset because everybody is on her back. Dr. Laura is calling foul because people are trampling over her ‘First Amendment Rights’. Dr. Laura thinks that she is being targeted by the left because she stands for good old conservative values and speaks from the right side of life and not the decadent, putrid, soul-destroying left. Bottom line? Dr. Laura thinks her shit doesn’t stink like yours does.


          Truth is, Dr. Laura is just a long line of these conservative finger waggers who feel the need to lecture people about the ills of the world while breaking at least half of the mortal sins. She is in the same company as Rush ‘Oxy-Queen’ Limbaugh and Jimmy ‘Let me see your titties’ Bakker and Larry ‘wide-stance’ Craig. This woman has made a living out of being judgmental. She has made a living from the poor souls who call her show looking for help and receiving more victimization. She has made a living from those who call her to admit to making mistakes and she takes the opportunity to persecute them even more. She has made a living being judge and jury and then has the audacity to get upset and call foul when the rest of the world jumps down her throat for using the ‘n’ word a million times.


          Here is what I say to Dr. Laura. Consider the following as an open letter to her:


          Dear Dr. Laura,


          I refuse to play the victim game. I refuse to persecute a victim and I will not be party to a media gang bang. In your case, I do not see where you are being singled out or even scapegoated. What I see is karma. What I see is the Divine bringing balance to the world. What I see is the universe bitch-slapping an individual who has had it coming for a long time.


          As a fake, liar and hypocrite who believed in a vengeful God, you should probably appreciate how poetic this all is. You are being punished for using a vile word that as a society we have decided that it should never be used. The ‘n’ word is not your word. It never will be your word. And yet you felt the need to use it like waving around an AK47 screaming ‘what’s the big fucking deal?’ The big deal is that the moment society decided the ‘n’ word was offensive, we set a boundary. Since you have no concept of those things, you easily violated not just your caller but everyone else in the world with that boundary. The big fucking deal is that you are an insensitive twat who has made a living off the emotional pain of others. The justice in all of this is that everyone is now feasting on yours.


          Dr. Laura, maybe it is time for you to retreat into a cave and take a time out. Maybe it is time for you to train those bugged out eyes on yourself and reassess. Perhaps you should take a sensitivity course or even go get some therapy to deal with the fact that you have never had a healthy relationship. Perchance you can begin to make amends to every soul you metaphorically ‘n’ worded. What I am saying so you can understand me is: REPENT FOR THE END IS NEAR!


           In closing, please do not pen memoirs, go campaigning with Sara ‘Cheat sheet’ Palin, give advice to anyone or conduct interviews. Just disappear like a good fake therapist, hypercritical cow.


Sincerely,


CoupleDumb.com

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