Adversity



          Hola Friends and Lovers! Welcome to CoupleDumb and this exciting, fun-filled week. Is it working? You see we are going to be discussing adversity this week and we figured we should provide you with a little distraction so you won’t notice we are talking about uncomfortable topics. Come on, most people refuse to even discuss things like loss, pain and family upheaval. Are you still with us?


          Lee says: We are a very interesting society. We focus on youth, beauty and success and deny the elderly, the different and the mediocre. I love how people use the term mediocrity as if they would be proud to aspire to that and then describe a life far from mediocre. Mediocrity is average. In living, we realize there is no life that is mediocre. We realize that the person may react to it in a mediocre manner. So when we discuss being average, it is a character flaw.


          Adversity is a given in life. Stuff will happen. The shit will hit the fan. People we love will die. This is life, baby, and if you don’t like it get off the ride. Currently, we are experiencing a crisis of faith in our country, in our economic status and even in our own belief in what is right. Our country is polarized into hope and devastation. We are a country divided by those who feel we wallow in shit and someone is bound to rape you and those who believe that we have lived through this and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There are few people who are in the middle anymore and that is scary.


          Economically we are terrified. We know we need to spend money for the economy to right itself but are afraid to spend money because the economy is not righted. Fear has gripped us to our core and the fires of panic are fanned by these people who have nothing better to do than scream apocalyptical rhetoric at every turn. So what is the current status of our relationships? Are we clinging to our partners and trying to ride this out like a team, posse or unit? Sort of but is that better?


          The current statistics on marriage is the following:


          2008 Census: 7.1 marriages per 1000 population/3.5 divorces per 1000 population


          2010 Reports: There is a drop in divorce filings.


          So as you can see, the divorce rate is decreasing and people are getting divorced at a lesser rate. While divorce rates have decreased, the reports of domestic violence have soared! I blame mediocrity for that. I blame a societal addiction to being unstressed, unencumbered and free. I blame a poor character that rather blame their partner than be a true companion and work at something. 


          I am not a saint and I know the first thing I do when I am stressed is lash out verbally. I know this about me because I have taken the time to assess, analyze and reflect on my behavior. When I am ‘put upon’ I blame others. I need to give myself a time out to re-group and remember my priorities. Oh wait, what did I say there? ‘My priorities’. That’s right. When you face adversity, the first thing that it attacks is your priorities. If you are unclear what is important to you, you will lose something. If you feel attacked and you have placed your marriage or relationship on the back burner, that will be the first thing to go. It is not a matter of the attack but your lack of prioritization and a metaphorical sacrifice to the adversity gods when a marriage fails during adversity.


          Yes, I sound angry. Yes, I could probably write this in a nicer tone. However, the sting of a slap wakes you up and if you are not careful, you may lose more than your job or house during these tough times. I am here to shake you up. It’s your job to man-up/put on your big girl panties and fight for your relationship. Well, that is if it matters to you.


          Paul says: I’m inspired! … and a little scared. Ok, a lot scared.

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