CoupleDumb will never sell our integrity. Just as importantly, CoupleDumb will never rent, share, or sell our subscriber list. Not even for really hot sex. We appreciate you letting us into your email, and we promise not to abuse that trust. We make this promise because we understand just how much you value your privacy. The policy below describes how we treat the information we collect when you visit our site and/or register for CoupleDumb. Please read this carefully. There will not be a test, but it’s still important.
We’re not interested in obtaining a list of your past girlfriends, political affiliations, or the shady things you’ve done for money. All we need is your email address. CoupleDumb doesn’t collect any information except that expressly provided by you. We will not disclose your personal information to any third party without your consent, except as required to provide you with CoupleDumb material.
In order to make our site better, we may also request other information from you. Just generic stuff — like income level or age, that will help us tailor the site to your needs. We may also share this information with third parties, but only in aggregate, anonymous form. (For example, we might inform an advertiser that, “The average CoupleDumb subscriber earns $60,000 a year, then blows 2/3rds of it on high end vodka.”) No third party will receive information from us that personally identifies you or anyone else in any way.
It is important for us to gather information on how our site is used: How much time do users spend on our site? What sites did they come from? What sites do they go to once they’ve had just about enough of our smartass attitude? All of this information is collected in aggregate form. None of it is personally identifiable. This information will not make it possible for us to corner the market on, say, frozen concentrated orange juice. It’s collected only to help us to, among other things, handle traffic on CoupleDumb, and to make sure that our service reaches you in the most efficient manner possible.
Review and Access
If you request it, CoupleDumb will provide you with a summary of the information we’ve collected about you, and the opportunity to correct, update or modify this information. You don’t even have to ask nicely.
How to Unsubscribe
You can unsubscribe from receiving CoupleDumb emails at any time. You can unsubscribe by clicking on the “Unsubscribe” link in the footer of any CoupleDumb email and following the instructions. You can also unsubscribe by clicking on the “Unsubscribe” link on the bottom of the CoupleDumb homepage and following the instructions.
Third Party Advertising
CoupleDumb does sell advertising space because Momma does need to make money, but never do we sell specific subscriber data (that would be wrong).
Our advertising is not necessarily reflective of the opinions of our editorial staff. They are content paid for by our sponsors and allies, and only reflect the fact that our editorial staff has to put food on the table just like everybody else. Some of this money might also go towards alcohol, but we’re not saying how much.
Look for the button that says ‘A Word From Our Sponsors’. If it says that then they paid us or gave us stuff. If they gave us stuff, other than money, we will tell you what we got. We’ll also let you know if it warmed our cockles or made us curl our toes and call out God’s name.
Third Party Cookies
In the course of serving advertisements to this site, our third-party advertiser may place or recognize a unique cookie on your browser.
Links to Other Sites
CoupleDumb loves using links. Partly because they allow us to guide you towards valuable products and services, and partly because there’s a lot of really weird garbage out there, and exposing you to it is extremely pleasurable. However, we are not responsible for any content that appears on these sites, nor do we endorse them. For questions about these sites, please consult their individual privacy policies.
All of the information described above is recorded on embossed sheets of gold leaf locked in steel vaults thousands of feet beneath the earth’s crust, or on our secure server.
CoupleDumb may make changes to this policy in the future. Not wholesale changes, like “Privacy? Forget that noise!” Just modifications. If and when we do, we’ll be sure to inform you here.
If you have questions about this policy, or about the site, please contact us or you could also review our Help page. If you have questions about geopolitics, philosophy, or how to re-socialize after a long stint in prison, try contacting every other available source first. If none of them prove helpful, you can try us, but we won’t respond and may contact the authorities.