A Woman And Her…

THE Relationship Blog


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A man’s sexual dysfunction is obvious. A woman’s sexual dysfunction is something that can be painful, disturbing and highly suspect. According to the Mayo Clinic, females suffering from sexual dysfunction is not altogether uncommon. In fact, if you suffer from lack of desire or sexual response, you can be diagnosed with female sexual dysfunction. The problem is that these diagnostic criteria are subjective- self reported, as opposed to a man, who has the lack of erection as a vivid indicator. A woman’s sexual dysfunction speaks to her core.

I don’t know of a woman who has not experienced a lack of desire. In fact, most women will tell you that with all of the responsibility the modern Mom has on her shoulders it’s amazing if she can remember to brush her hair. And, if the chores were not enough, throw into the mix the barrage of hormones that attack us monthly. Sometimes we feel great. Sometimes we feel bloated and angry. Sometimes we feel weepy. Sometimes we are just tired. Where do we get the strength to open the front door wrapped in cellophane holding a perfect dirty martini?

Female sexual dysfunction due to painful intercourse (dyspareunia) can be broken down to 3 types: pain during penetration, deep or psychological. Penetrating dyspareunia can be caused by lack of lubrication, injury or trauma due to an accident or episiotomy, reaction to birth control devices and vaginusmus which is an involuntary muscle spasm.  Deep pain can be caused by certain illnesses like endometriosis, IBS and even hemorrhoids, infections or even scarring from surgical procedures. The third cause of dyspareunia is emotional. The scars from sexual trauma, whether from rape and sexual abuse, are long-lasting. Even stress can cause dyspareunia!

As we explore the types and causes of sexual dysfunction, we can’t forget anorgasmia. The inability to achieve orgasm is a serious problem. Most women are taught that orgasms are the magical unicorns of the sexual forest. We may catch a glimpse every once in awhile but you will never have it as a pet. The truth is that women, barring physical or deep psychological trauma can be multi orgasmic. The female orgasm is a thing of beauty since we can have so many in such a short time. Multi-orgasmic women are seen as oddities in our society even though we all have the potential to be like that. The misinformation and urban mythology of the female orgasm is insidious. During my mother’s generation, the orgasm was uncommon and frigidity was virtually the norm. Sure, there were women who enjoyed sex and had orgasms but they were kept quiet. Female masturbation is a big no-no even today and to suggest it publicly is to invite ridicule. You see, men don’t want to hear about those things. Older generations of white males are convinced that a woman must become used to a man’s penis and that only through penetration should a woman achieve orgasm. Despite all the evidence to the contrary provided by Mayo, Johnson and Johnson and Kinsey, older men are convinced a woman is anorgasmic because of frigidity.

The real truth is that frigidity is a myth. All women are capable of achieving orgasms. Most female sexual dysfunction is treatable. CoupleDumb strongly suggests that women who suffer sexual dysfunction, aside from receiving the best medical care, please seek psychological counseling as well. Ladies, we all know that sex for us is a mental thing and keeping a positive, optimistic outlook is essential to achieving sexual satisfaction. Being able to relax, enjoy and let go are integral to achieving orgasm and being fulfilled.

Yes, we are busy. Yes, the stress of the day does not go away when we shut the door at night. Yes, being tired is an almost permanent state for a parent. It does not have to be this way. You need to make your happiness a priority and soccer camp can wait.

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