A Psychotherapist’s Take On Slut Shaming

Sometimes we have to leave our mountain top and dwell among the masses. Especially when social media blows up about a post written by a Mom regarding the girls who were showing up on her son’s news feed. The girls, apparently, were taking selfies sans support undergarments, in their bedrooms, in provocative poses and pajamas. The Mom, in an apparent attempt to do what the Moms of those girls had not done, tried to explain why girls shouldn’t post selfies that showed them in towels or as hot to trot. Now, the letter, in our humble opinion, was tame. She never used any defamatory verbiage when referring to these girls and even coached them to remove said pics. The ugly words came when social media tagged her post as another example of “slut shaming”. Here we need to point out that the first time the word “slut” came up was from the critics of this Mom. So, who is really doing the shaming here?

Lee thinking about sluts

Like most people, we saw Miley Cyrus do her thing at the MTV Video Awards. We have been aware of all the young celebs getting caught sending naked pics to their beloveds. We know about Carlos Danger and his unquenchable need to take pictures of his junk. One thing you will never hear from us is “Shame on you!” Why?! We are not into shaming anyone. Whether you are chastising Miley for humping a Teddy Bear or you are berating a Mom for attempting to raise boys with integrity, shaming of any kind is an ugly thing.

Now, the Mom who wrote the post must be living under a rock if she thinks these girls are the first to fill their Facebook page with fish lipped pics taken at an angle that accentuates their pubescent boobage. As parents of a 20 year old, our daughter tried doing that….once.  She quickly removed it once we expressed to her the need for her to not advertise her wares as if she were selling something on Craig’s List. Was that slut shaming? No. That was parenting a young woman. If Moms and Dads of young women cannot explain to their daughter’s the implications of posting photos on the internet, which, we should point out, can be copied and shared for all the world to see, then they have dropped the ball in a big way.

CoupleDumb is about healthy sexuality. That means you are who you are and part of that is a sexual being. We support this Mom in wanting her sons to be men of integrity. We applaud her effort to politely tell the girls to cut it out. But part of healthy sexuality is testing limits and expressing yourself. Kids today express that by showing they are comfortable with their bodies. However, since teenagers lack the prefrontal cortex understanding that what they do today will haunt them for the rest of their lives, it is our jobs as parents and adults to set the standard of behavior and explain the consequences of their actions. Which means, STOP POSTING PICTURES OF YOUR CLEAVAGE LADIES AND MEN-STOP TAKING PICTURES OF YOUR PRIVATES!

If you have daughters, explain this to them. If you have sons, explain this to them. Stop using the term “slut shaming” because you are inadvertently calling someone a slut and shaming not only the object of the shaming but the person who shamed.

OK, now go back to posting pictures of you dinners and pets doing stupid things.

One comment

  • Nikki_S

    I love your perspective on this – and I agree. I think what causes me to think she’s shaming the girls is her words that she wants her boys to find girls of character. To me this implies that the girls posting the pictures are not – that’s an assumption on her end and to me, it shaming the girls. Did she come out and say that the girls were shameful and not worthy? No but it was definitely implied. There are better ways to teach your sons and daughters respect and how to behave and the implications behind what they say and do online and I don’t agree with the way that mom did it at all.

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