And next year they release the remake of Slumdog Millionaire

The brilliant cast of Clue

This celebrity smackdown will not be focusing on one person but the entire industry. We realize we don’t see many films anymore unless they are animated. We also realize that the capital needed to produce a movie nowadays is the Gross National Product of a medium sized nation and the risk of a film is ameliorated if you bank on a sure thing. But our question is, where is the creativity, innovation and pizzazz of Hollywood? So our smackdown is directed to all you movie moguls who think that redoing Smokey and the Bandit is a good idea.

Lee says: Movies in the old days were inspired by books and the only remakes were from movies you were too young to know about. Spielberg and Lucas were inspired by Kurosawa and the films were bold and deep. Now Hollywood has taken recycling to the extreme and is going through IMDb files looking for its next story. 

          They have remade TV shows to minor success. I must admit, I stood in line to see the ‘Brady Bunch Movie’ because it was one of my faves as a kid. They did a parody of it and that’s why those movies worked (ie. ‘Charlie’s Angels’). There were gritty interpretations of Mod Squad minus the large afro and from their success, we were subjected to ‘Starsky and Hutch’ and ‘Dukes of Hazard’. Now you tell me why we needed to be punished like that?

          In the eighties they decided to steal ideas from foreign countries. That was fine because we’re Imperialistic Americans and we do shit like that. Rape another country’s creativity and pass it off as your art is just fine by our standards. This is how we got gems like ‘Three Men and a Baby’. But now, you’ve run out of foreign countries to pillage, in addition to any original thought and are sodomizing our own films. Not only are thy remaking, they aren’t even waiting a respectable amount of time. 

          Case in point, they are remaking ‘Clue’. I remember this film really well and saw all the alternate endings in the theatre. Now they are going to ruin it by having the current crop of stars do roles originated by the greats like Madeline Kahn!! Who’s playing Mrs. White? Madonna? What, did they stop making movies in Italy and France or are they recycling too? 

          At $10 for a matinee, the least a movie mogul can do is put a little effort into it and stop rehashing the same stories we’ve already seen. These movies aren’t winning the awards or breaking records, they are the pabulum that clog our theatres and fill up our Netflix order when there isn’t anything else to see.  We hope it approximates the original, which it never does, and lament our choices after they suck another 100 minutes of our lives. There are some good writers out there looking for a break and some of them have ideas other than redoing ‘My Mother the Car’. If not, I have a great treatment for a remake of ‘The Matrix’ with no special effects and it’s done with only two characters; kind of like ‘Waiting for Godot’ but not as funny.

           Paul says: I love the movie Clue. Its one of my favorites but I do not understand the logic on redoing a perfect movie for an audience that has never heard of the board game. In this video game world, the only children that play Clue are homeschooled, Amish invalids. Now, if they made a Tak and the Power of Juju movie, that would make sense. Note: for those of you who are not on the cutting edge of society like me, Tak was a video game that they made into a TV cartoon. It stars Hal Sparks, the guy from Queer as Folk, but Tak doesnt take anything up the bum.  

2 comments

  • Stephen

    Amen to that!! . . . and will somebody please chloroform and imprison Will Ferrell before he runs roughshod over another one of my childhood memories? He’s already made me weep for my beloved “Bewitched”, and is now getting his smarm all over “Land of the Lost”. When the inevitable “Holmes and Yoyo: the motion picture” come out, I may open a vein.

  • KW Ron

    I can’t wait to see the remake of “Clueless…”

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