50 Things I have learned in 50 years – Day 3

Over the next 50 days, I will be going over the 50 things that I have learned to make my life awesome. I know people are always doing these but so few of them have a PhD and 25+ years of experience working with human beings on what they want and changing the things they don’t like. Here is my list which will culminate on my 50th birthday.

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I know you are thinking, ‘what about relationship stuff? That is why I’m here.’ Which brings me to #3.

#3 Marriage is lovely……….but being happy is more important.

Marriage is a natural progression of a loving relationship. The problem is that so many of us have hang ups and personal issues that spill into our relationships that they make our pairings a real petri dish of fucked-upedness. Relationships are not the problem- they just show the problems you already had.

Here is the deal: get help. Being happy is the best remedy to any relationship issue. I don’t care if you think that happiness is a fleeting silliness. It is not. Being happy can be a place where we spend a great deal of time. Moods come and go but if we stay on the positive valence of emotion, we can spend more time there than in the negative end of the pool. It all is dependent on how we appraise our situation- is it a positive or a negative? I choose to see the positive because that works for me. Medication during my darkest times and therapy and constant monitoring were the solution for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I was not always a cheerleader. I use to be one moody bitch who chose to see the black and bleak only. I remember how she felt and it reminds me how scary that life was. It is a process. It is a practice. I practice to believe that this all has a purpose and I am at the center of it. I am doing my part to create happiness on this earth. This translates to me being a better wife and partner. I can easily fall into the anger and frustration but I choose not to. I choose happy and I bring that to my marriage. I don’t know if I would still be married if I would have kept choosing the negative emotions…I do know I would be miserable today.

Come back for the next 47 days and see what else I have learned.

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