4 Things That Marriage Is

Yesterday, we explained some things that marriage is not. In true CoupleDumb form, we laid it out simply and succinctly so that there is no confusion. Today we will explain what Marriage is. To be clear, this is not a post that your kids should read unless your kids are already adults and need a dose of cold, hard real.

Big hugs

1. Marriage is messy.

People have this idea that living with the person you love forevermore is all about picnics and watching the sun set on another glorious day. Marriage is more like picking up dirty clothes and begging your partner to close the door to the bathroom and who is washing the dishes tonight. That is the reality of marriage. The icky, day to day is not what you see in Lifetime movies. Ladies, if you think he is going to bring you flowers every day, you are deluded. Gentlemen, if you think she is going to wear a negligee to bed every night, you have never worn one of those things. They are uncomfortable and ride up on you in the middle of the night and then your boob falls out which makes sleeping difficulty at best.

2. Marriage is growth/change

We read some other so-called experts talk about ‘don’t try to change him/her’. This concept is so old and outdated that they might as well sell ad space to cigarettes. Marriage is a place where both of you can grow and change and become better people. If you are not growing and changing then you are stagnant. Stagnation will kill the best of relationships. Growth is opportunity. Change is development and a chance at happiness. People that tell you that a person doesn’t change or grow are cowards. Marriage isn’t for everyone, just the sexy people.

3. Marriage is an adventure

If you read #2 and believe it, then you have to believe that marriage is an adventure. Marriage is a safe space, a haven, where you can be yourself for the first time in your life. You can dream and make goals that are wild and scary. Together, you make things happen. If you fail, you always have the safe space the two of you have created. You are each other’s cheerleaders. You cheer when they play. You cheer when they win. You console and love them when they lose so they have the strength to try again. You aren’t their coach. They don’t need someone beating them up. They can do that on their own.

4. Marriage is easy

When you are with the person you love, none of the icky matters. It is something both of you deal with, together. You take turns. You work side by side. You do things for each other because that makes both of you happy. You keep the home fires burning if they have to brave the world alone and then you welcome them when they return. You kiss them every day because you want to and you tell them ‘I love you’ because you do and you want them to remember. You remember that they love Combos and buy them a pack once a year as a treat and they remember that you really wanted to go back to school, so they work to make that happen. It isn’t roses and wine and date nights and jewelry. Yes, all those things are really nice but it is the everyday love that makes it easy. It’s sex on Wednesday morning. It’s a flirty text message in the middle of the day. It is wrapping yourself around them when you are in bed so they feel loved and safe every night. Sure, we would love to make love on a beach in Hawaii but prefer a deep kiss and ‘I love you’ before falling asleep every night.

2 comments

  • piscesvirgo

    Number 2, marriage is growth/change…dude THANK YOU! I cannot stand when people say that you can’t change them, you married me and I was the same then so what’s the problem now, etc. Change is part of growing, you can’t do one without the other, it doesn’t work. Yes it’s possible but things will never truly change if you don’t do both.

  • CandaceLindemann

    Great analogies! I think, though, that “Don’t try to change him/her” means that you shouldn’t go into marriage expecting that you can transform someone into what you want. Don’t marry an artist who doesn’t care about money and likes to travel and expect to turn him into the banker who likes to stay close to home that you really wanted…or vice versa. I agree that people grow and ideally both people pursue opportunities for growth.

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