Infidelity is an issue that affects many relationships. It is a symptom; not the actual problem. Many couples want to focus on the cheating and then are surprised when they get to couples counseling and the therapist wants to talk about their relationship. Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum. We wrote about men cheating last week and this week we promised to discuss women who cheat, and no, this not a repeat of last week. For all the reports of women ‘catching up’ to men, when it comes to sex and cheating, infidelity is never ‘just about the sex’.
Women who are in relationships, unlike what the TV shows tell you, have the same fears and concerns men do about losing their freedom and missing out. However, commitment is a different thing to women. We are socialized to thrive in relationship. We are socialized to understand that human beings are meant to do things in community and not isolation. This idea of being a lone wolf or maverick is great for a story but in real life the stallion is really antisocial and probably a threat to society.
Women who cheat are seen by society as pariahs. How could she hurt her family like that? When a man does the same thing, he is lumped together with all men who cheat and seen as week whereas a woman is treated as if she ate a baby while kicking a puppy. She is unfit to parent! How could she?!
This idea that a woman cheating is worse than a man cheating is based on this ideal that women are always happy when they are married. The myth is that all women want to be tied down and have her MRS. Degree. Sure, some women are like that just like some men think of themselves as Lone Wolfs who are destined to bang cocktail waitresses until they are dead and buried. However, reality shows us that some men want to get married and have a family and some women loathe the idea of being ‘Mrs. Some Guys Name’.
Women who cheat on their partners are not doing it to break up their family. They are not menaces to society wanting to break down the fabric that holds us together. These women are, for all intents and purposes, lacking something. The ‘what’ will be discussed tomorrow.