I have been nice this week discussing mistresses. I understand on a professional level that it takes a certain kind of woman to be a mistress and there is an inherent brokenness in these women that cannot be denied. That being said, this does not excuse the behavior. If a man dupes you and you find out he is married, the right thing to do is end the relationship. However, if your eyes are wide open and you enter a relationship with a married man, you know that you are potentially party to destroying a family or, at the very least, a marriage.
Maybe you didn’t have a good Mom to pull you aside and explain the rules to you. Maybe you had a Dad who was a philanderer and objectified women making you create the belief that women were less than. Maybe you were dropped on your head and forgot that you matter and deserve more. Whatever the reason why you started being a mistress, deal with it and stop it. You are degrading yourself. You are treating yourself like you do not deserve it all. You are selling yourself out. In the end, that is the worst thing of all.
You can be told a million times you are worthless. Those words mean nothing until you believe them. By becoming a mistress, by willingly and knowingly having sex with a married man, you are telling yourself that this is all you get. You deserve no more.
You can blame your Mom. You can blame your Dad. You can blame the married man. Ultimately, you will need to take responsibility for the choices you made. You can pretend that this lifestyle is your choice and you are happy with it. Between us girls, we know the truth. You can pretend that you don’t want to be in a committed relationship and that you enjoy your freedom with a little sex on his schedule. Between us girls, we know the truth. You can pretend that you do not fantasize about him leaving his wife or telling you how much better you are than her. Between us girls, we know the truth. Between us girls, I do not think less of you. That is what you are doing. Between us girls, I think you deserve more than you do.
We all want to be loved. We all want to feel special. We all deserve someone’s undivided attention and not sloppy seconds.
In another lifetime I was the first to burn a mistress at the stake and called for beheadings of those who broke the Woman Code. I am older and hopefully wiser now. If you need someone to talk to, email me. You do not need to continue as a mistress. All you need to do is believe you deserve more.