Real Relationship Advice
We are giving you a recipe today. It is Paul’s Grandma’s Carrot Cake. Why are we doing this? We have two reasons. The first is that it is a really really good cake. The second is that Grandma was one of the greatest culprits in creating Paul’s unhealthy relationship with food.
2 cups flour (real white bleached flour because Grandma only gave you blank stares if you mentioned whole wheat)
2 tsp baking powder
1 ½ tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt (Grandma put salt in everything, including a slice of bread with butter on it)
2 tsp cinnamon
2 cups sugar (eating sugar with a spoon was expected at Grandma’s house. A teaspoon of sugar helped the sugar go down)
1 ½ cups oil (If she could have fried the sugar in oil, she would have. Lard would have been even better)
1 tsp vanilla
4 eggs (Grandma did not know the word ‘cholesterol’)
2 cups grated carrots (Carrots are good for you. Thus this cake can be served as breakfast or used to replace a salad at dinner)
1 – 8 ½ oz can crushed pineapple, undrained
½ cup nuts, chopped (Remember the nuts are for texture and flavor, not any health benefit. Use the nut that tasted best to you and has the least nutritional value. That’s the way Grandma rolled)
Sift together dry ingredients. Mix in oil, vanilla and eggs. Add carrots, pineapple and nuts. Pour into 3 wax paper lined 9 inch baking pans. Bake at 350 for 35-40 minutes.
Paul was very thin as a child. Grandma’s advice was to drink three glasses of heavy cream per day. Push it down with a few slices of buttered bread, the white kind with no nutrition, then go have dinner.
The cake is not done yet because it needs a layer of yummy fat.
½ cup butter, softened (Butter was the staple of Grandma’s cooking)
1 – 8 oz package cream cheese, softened (Let’s call this the ‘flavor fat’)
1 tsp vanilla
1 lb box of powdered sugar, sifted (Powdered sugar has less calories because it is so finely ground)
Cream together the fat, the other fat, and the vanilla. Then add the sugar until it is a fluffy yummy paste.
You can either put it on the cake or eat it with a spoon. Your call. Grandma would have been ok with either decision.
The cake is best enjoyed with a glass of heavy cream.