Jan 082013
 

Real Relationship Advice

elderly couple 300x219 Secrets Of Longevity In Relationship

There are certain articles that receive a lot of traffic. Some of them promise the steps to something desirable or they let the reader in on a secret that will change their life. And, yes, this is one of those articles. The secret to an ever-lasting secret is as well kept as the recipe for ice cubes. Relationships aren’t mysteries. Relationships are not complicated. Relationships can be quite easy if we stop playing games, taking things personally and allowing co-dependent behaviors to pollute our way of being. Simple, no?

So, from the ancient scrolls unearthed from a long abandoned Starbucks, the secrets of longevity in relationships:

1. Be polite: In the area of conflict resolution, it has long been held that fighting fair is the primary way to resolve issues. We learn through our role models and the media that arguing with a partner or spouse is less a means to resolve an issue than a blood sport. For many, a disagreement is an opportunity to gain leverage or to hurt your loved one. It is an ugly thing to watch. For a relationship to stand the test of time, a couple must always be polite which means the following:

a. No Name Calling

b. No dredging up past behaviors

c. No intentional slights

2. Be thoughtful: In relationship we have a nasty habit of getting comfortable which is a euphemism for lazy. In the beginning of a courtship, we remember to call, bring flowers, make his favorite dish, leave a note, call when we will be late, kiss before we say goodbye. After a while, when we become comfortable, we forget to do these things. We forget to be mindful. We forget to do the things that make our partners feel special. So be thoughtful.

3. Be thankful: When we become comfortable we also tend to take things for granted. We forget the niceties like please, thank you and you’re welcome. We expect our partners to do things instead of being grateful that they did. It is so simple to say ‘thank you’ and ‘please’ but the laziness and a sense of entitlement make something so perfunctory into a chore. Making people feel that they are appreciated is as easy as saying two words.

4. Make the effort: When couples become comfortable they stop making an effort for their relationship. We stop thinking of the relationship as a part of our life that should be cherished. We think of it as a fixture. This is how we feel about our parents when we enter early adolescence. We don’t think of whether it is good or bad, it just is. We become tolerant of a lot even though we are not happy and then realize that we lost it so long ago. If you find yourself in this situation be open to make changes. Many couples break up in these situations instead of making the effort to fix the problem. Walking away is easy and working on the relationship is work. Make the effort and reap the rewards.

Now that you know the secret to a long lasting relationship you should have no issue in making it last forever. Except for all the other silly things you do. For those things, keep reading CoupleDumb.

Lee and Paul

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